She’s Not Allowed to Care.

Every love you had in your life- despite having failed in them, will always have a mark in your heart. Especially the ones that were good to you. The ones that were amazing but just wasn’t meant to be. I talked with a friend earlier and he had told me that his ex shouldn’t be allowed to care about him after dumping him. That after what she did to him, all the pain and suffering he felt, it just didn’t feel right for her to ever talk to him again.

As guilty for my past doing, I have dumped a guy not because of him but for another man. But..oh my wretched heart, it’s not like I don’t care about him anymore. I know I have left him and I know that he probably never wants to talk to me ever again but that is him, not me. For me, I still do care- I would like to know what he’s up to nowadays, how he’s doing. That doesn’t mean I’m going backwards no- it’s sort of like having a part of you in someone else and you just always want to be whole again but you can’t. It’s like that. It keeps propelling you towards them to seek them out even after doing what you did, because you did give a part of yourself to them. I don’t know if this is even right- but what is right or what is wrong? Are human emotions wrong?

But the fact that you broke someone’s heart does not mean you are an evil person. Everyone has their reasons- albeit socially acceptable or not. Nobody ever means to hurt someone on purpose,rather, we hurt people because we don’t know what we want, what we’re looking for, who we want to be. And as much as we think we do, we don’t, until the moment you realize you are bound to someone by law and by bathroom routine.

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If he is your boyfriend he has a responsibility.

So my parents believe. They’re your typical Asians while my boyfriend is more well, whitewashed. And there is nothing, and I mean nothing, more infuriating than listening to these words.

My boyfriend does not have a responsibility to drive me all the time. He does not have the responsibility to spoil me with money he doesn’t have. He does not have the responsibility of dating my parents. And most of all he does not have the responsibility of making me feel like a god damn fucking princess.

He does have the responsibility of making me happy. He does have the responsibility of making me feel comfortable and loved. He has the responsibility of making me trust him and putting his heart out on the table for this relationship. And he has done just all that.

To all of you that may be suffering this same moral clash I want to let you know that the only thing that matters is the two of you. Your parents are your guides. Not your significant other. They have taught you all the things that is important and you have to choose what you want to listen to and what you believe is right. They cannot force you down the same road that may have worked for them. Because this is your life and your life alone. Your choices are your own and nobody had a right to tell you otherwise what responsibilities you owe.

On Breaking Promises

Everyone’s guilty of it. Everyone’s done it: breaking a promise. They may be extremely important, or extremely trivial. It irks everyone; you guys made plans and you get all excited about it and then — they flop. It’s simply disappointing, frustrating and most of all, annoying. Some promises aren’t meant to be broken, and those are the ones that you really need to think about before saying “I promise”. But, there are promises that had no choice but to be broken..And you can’t really blame people for sometimes breaking promises, I mean, life happens, and things may happen suddenly without warning. You can’t get mad over those.

So, what are some promises that shouldn’t be broken?

1. Dates.

I want to believe that dates mean something. Means two people are giving a chance at love with one another by getting to know one another, and to spend some time investing in that. I don’t believe that flopping on a pre-set date you both agreed on deserves a second chance- of course, unless a family member is in critical condition or something, or you suddenly got a stomach flu (still a shady response). Some of you probably don’t see dates as super important and that’s totally fine. The reason why they shouldn’t be broken is because it simply says : I’m not interested in you enough to do anything to see you.

2. Relationships.

You know what this means: effort. If you’re serious about the person, and you’re serious about the relationship, then put effort into it. Effort automatically equates to you really putting yourself out there to love and be loved and honestly, there’s a lot of respect for a person who puts effort in. You know they care about things that matter to them. You know that you matter to them. And if you want a serious relationship without putting in effort, you’ve already broken that promise of the relationship. It’ll go nowhere.

3. Your Engagement.

Pretty self explanatory, no? I mean, you gave the girl your heart. You invested in her. He loves you. And by saying yes, you’re invested in him too. Don’t suddenly start freaking out about how you now realize that maybe he isn’t who he really is. You had the entire time you were dating him to figure it out. If he’s not the one but still proposes, don’t say yes out of guilt. Because the guilt of breaking off the engagement is, probably, a lot worse. And if you’re the one that proposed, don’t you think it’d be a slap in your own face if you suddenly realize that after promising this lovely girl your life with her, you actually didn’t really wanna? This isn’t changing your clothes- this is changing your heart. Which proves to show, superficiality is never as important as what lies underneath.

4. Your marriage.

And the epilogue to the engagement, of course, is the exchange of vows. You vowed to someone you love for heaven’s sake. If you really loved them, nothing should change, even if fights happen. Children may happen, and old age may start to happen too- but you guys fell in love for a reason. You guys mutually agreed to live your lives together, through thick and thin (I hope)- but when the going really gets tough, you chicken out? As long as there’s life in you, fight for it. Fight for what you know you guys have. If you guys can’t even keep the promise of being together for as long as you’re able to, why promise it in the first place? Promises are your responsibilities. If you can’t handle all aspects of your responsibilities, don’t promise anything, especially on love.

5. Secrets.

People confided in you for a reason- they trust you. And when they ask you to not tell anyone (because really, we all need to tell someone), try not to. Gossip is juicy- but if you want to be a trustworthy person, you have to be able to keep a secret. Especially if it does not involve you personally. Some people may be horrible at keeping secrets- and if you’re one of them, just tell your friend that it’s probably not a good idea if they absolutely insist you cannot tell anyone. Don’t put yourself on the spot in the future- disclaim yourself if you know you burst out spontaneously. Be responsible. Your friend would probably respect that than having their trust in you broken.

 

What’s the difference between these promises and all the other ones that if broken, wouldn’t be as much as a cause for alarm?

You.