Dear New Girl,

I hope you’re madly in love with him, as he is madly in love with you. I hope that you are able to love his silly, goofy side when he makes those faces, and those ridiculous, silly jokes that make no sense and always end up being about how strong he is. I hope that you love his serious attitude about life, about work, about career and above all I hope you’re being the pillar that I wasn’t able to be for him. That one, solid pillar that he needs most now than ever, to support and motivate him in ways that would help him achieve his dreams. I hope that you’re being tough on him too, driving him to strive for those goals without ever making him feel like it’s unattainable. There will be a lot of times where he will be quiet and withdrawn- don’t worry, that’s because he’s either working, at the gym, eating, showering, or having his personal time with his family. I know, sounds almost impossible for you guys to talk. But don’t worry, there will be time made for you because he’s in love with you and knows you’re an integral part of his life, someone who he’d want to share his life with. He will be making sacrifices for you and I hope you appreciate them because he doesn’t do them for just anyone. I don’t know how he’ll be like when he’s with you but all I hope for is for you to treat him with respect and trust, as he is with you. I also hope, above all else, that you’re able to talk to him about things, important things, that matter to both you and him. That when he starts to muse about things you will listen and give input whether he asks for them or not. That you’ll be your own person and never, ever feel like you’re inferior. Your own opinions and values and goals are what shines out the most so I hope that you’ll be strong enough to talk to him about them.

And you don’t have to worry about me. Sure, we may still be friends when you are dating him but you’ll never have to worry about me. He cannot love me the way he loves you. I may love him, forever, but I am strong enough to know that that needs to stay where it belongs- in the past. You are his present and his future. His family will accept you whole-heartedly and will never be embarrassed to call you his girlfriend. His father would be just as silly and goofy as he is, but he is also extremely hard working and extremely intelligent and I am sure you’ll be able to see where he gets all of his traits and charm from. You will see why he is meticulous because you will see how his mother raised him. And his brother? You’ll know exactly how close they are by watching them and you’ll understand why he puts family first above all. He will never cheat on you, and he will never do anything to deserve your skepticism. He will protect you and love you and you will know. He will be independent but also be dependent on you when situations call for it. And I hope you can be there for him no matter what, when or where. You are his best friend and he trusts you to do the same.

You will feel like the luckiest girl in the world. From his personality to his looks, I guarantee you you will never be disappointed. I wonder how strong he is now. I know he’s hurt his shoulder a while back but I’m positive he’s back on track and lifting things beyond what he never thought was possible for himself. I hope you’ve got strong hands because he loves a good back rub. And if you ever get into a fight, just run your fingers through his hair slowly but firmly, and he’ll always be putty in your hands. When you go out for movies, take his arm and slowly, lightly, run your index finger nail down his biceps and forearm- he will squeeze your hand and let you know that that feels amazing. When you kiss him, don’t be forceful- the gentlest of kiss will show you everything he feels about you. And don’t worry about his hands- it’s a condition that I hope you’re able to see past and accept, even learn to never be bothered by.

We couldn’t work out because I couldn’t give him the one thing he needs the most in a relationship, which is motivation. To make his mind churn, make him focus on his goals. Help him to never lose sight of his dream, and to always support him whenever you see fit. But I hope that, by the time you are with him, he would have already achieved his goal so that all he needs is love. Honest, pure, unconditional love. Because if I could be a driving force for him, I would never have written this letter to you.

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Thought Catalog: Why I Can’t Stay Friends With The Girl Who Broke My Heart

Thought Catalog: Why I Can’t Stay Friends With The Girl Who Broke My Heart. http://www.google.com/newsstand/s/CAIiSENBRVNNSFJoWnpwbmIyOW5iR1V1WTI5dExESXdNRFU2Y21WaFpHVnlMMmwwWlcwdlpEVTRaalEwWm1KbVpXRXlPV1JtWWlnQSpkCAQiENQdjNmPALIE6YAJmOz4Qn4qTggAIhDUHYzZjwCyBOmACZjs-EJ-KjgICiIyQ0FFU0gyaDBkSEE2THk5MGFHOTFaMmgwWTJGMFlXeHZaeTVqYjIwdlptVmxaQzhvQUFQAVAB

Sometimes, it’s better to not know.

The #1 Thing Not To Do As A Girl:

I’ve touched on the subject of hypocrisy a couple times on my blog already. Me being one- I wouldn’t take my own advice for certain situations even though I know I should have. But recently I’ve been seeing (and experiencing) some of it from my parents, and it’s just not sitting well with me.

Remember how I was ranting earlier about how my mother expects my boyfriend to treat me like a crippled blind old woman who needs help to pay rent? Just the other day we were talking about one of my good friends who recently broke up. I told my mother the girl wasn’t a good fit for him anyways, and I was very glad he got out of it. She asked, “What was she like?” and I answered, “You know, the typical princessy type girls. She expected him to pay for everything, drive her everywhere, and wanted him to spoil her.” My mom immediately gave her look of disapproval. “Pft!” she said. “How can she do that? I mean, Patrick is still a student she can’t expect him to do so.”

Oho! What does that mean? Does she secretly agree with the girl? So what if Patrick wasn’t a student anymore? Would she have agreed? I will never know. But from the sounds of it, my mother was definitely implicating my relationship. Yes my boyfriend is working full time and no, he does not pay for me all the time. Yes my mother expects him to. No, I still cannot stop my skin from crawling from that disgusting thought.

You know, girls get the good stuff in the relationship. They get to be pampered, and treated like, well, princesses, if they’re lucky. It has occurred to me that we never treat our guys like princes. We don’t make their meals (assuming we’re not MARRIED, so hell, they can buy it or have their moms make it right?), we don’t treat them to nice dinners (that’s THEIR job), and we get to call the shots because if we don’t get our way, all we need to do is throw a tantrum or cry, and we got them wrapped around our little finger– I mean, uh..

So what the hell? It’s no wonder so many girls get dumped (and boys, for the matter that they’re just simply not as chivalrous as Ser Jorah /cue eyeroll) it’s because the definition of a girl IS a bitch. A girl is not a woman. A bitch is not a real woman (yet). And my point here today is to plead all you wonderful girls (and some stray women) out there: please just don’t be demanding. don’t, for the love of god, think that you deserve to be treated to every expensive dinner in the world by your knight in shining armour. if you’ve ever wondered why none of your relationships end in a happy ending, it’s probably because you expect too much without giving in return. I mean, if you were to date yourself- and you have a habit of having these expectations- wouldn’t you say you’d be tired too? It is absolutely necessary to have standards yes- but they cannot be standards that are only leaning towards your favour. If you are unable, or unwilling to return your standards to your man, then you know you have made them too high. In this unfair world, it’s an eye for an eye. The boys and men of our generation are becoming wary of girls and women like this. So if you have a heart, think about your man: because if he’s really someone you love, you would do anything to make their life more enjoyable and easier with you while facing the world and its problems together.