A musical timeline

Play this game with me:

Super simple, super easy: open your iTunes (or whatever mp3 player on your computer) and listen to the first 5 randomized songs from it. Now, write about the place in your life you were at when you first listened to this song, what you were doing, and what events you can remember when you listen to it.

Here are mine: don’t judge. I’m asian.

1st random song: Epik High- Pieces of You. I remember I downloaded this song back when I was in highschool and had a huge K-pop phase, where Korean love songs were literally the story of my life. I had 2 horribly ridiculous crushes at the time whereupon I’ve nicknamed them ninjaboy and pb. Yeah. Moving on.

2nd random song: Downton Abbey- The Suite. I’ve never even watched this series but I fell in love with this composition when I heard it on the radio. I remember downloading this song when I was in 2nd year university, and I would be on my computer after work every night putting this on repeat, and crushing hard on the man who broke my heart twice, talking to him on MSN messenger (ah the good ol days).

3rd random song: Kesenai Tsumi- Nana Kitade. The Fullmetal Alchemist (ending?) song! Definitely from my grade 8-9 days when the anime was the SHIT (and still is). I basically downloaded every OST of every anime I watched. Stop judging.

4th random song: Every Heart- BoA. What did I say? I’m asian. Although I can’t believe I’m landing on all my old anime songs. From the anime Inuyasha (holy crap) but also, BoA is such a good artist. This would be my grade 7 days where I was literally obsessed with this anime and I think this was my favourite ending song. I think regressing back in years…

5th random song: Half of my Heart- John Mayer. Finally, an english song. I definitely downloaded this during my university years..again when I was crushing over the man who broke my heart twice. He is a John Mayer fan and I think it got to me too. Also because the song feat. TSwift and the song was oh-so-relatable then (and especially now.)

So, what is your musical timeline?? Feel free to repost or play by yourself for fun! I would love to see what you guys listen to (heheh).

Why People Fall Out of Love

It happens. The extreme butterflies that you feel when you begin a new relationship, a new bond forging. The way your heart quickens at the sight and even hearing their name. They way they’re the first and last thing on your mind when you wake up and go to sleep every day. You can’t stop thinking about them, literally. Everything you do reminds you of them, and how you wish they were with you.

The relationship ensues. Happiness ensues. But to what ends? Fights start to occur. Differences start to appear. Values start to become clear, and this relationship, where you once thought is going to last forever, breaks apart into little pieces because one side just can’t handle it anymore.

A common explanation is “My feelings aren’t as strong anymore.”

Why? Why do feelings have to be such fleeting things? Nobody means to hurt anyone yet, it happens. Why is the heart such a fickle thing? How on earth can we claim that we love someone then? Why do feelings grow stronger or grow weaker? Is there a way to manipulate someone’s feelings so that they never stop loving you? How is that normal, how is that natural? Everyone talks about ‘the game’. But playing the game only has one purpose: to string the person out until they cave without letting them know exactly how strong you feel about them. Why must we do this to ourselves? Why do we play this damn game?

We crave something new. Fresh experiences. New feelings. It’s in our nature to love. But it’s also in our nature to keep finding someone else once we become comfortable. And there’s the rub- they just became too comfortable with you. There’s no more excitement for them, no thrill of the chase, just stability. And what’s a relationship without chaos, without drama? So they fall out of love. Slowly, unknowingly.. until it hits you. Both.

Dear those who feel like they want to, or have given up:

I was studying until I suddenly realized, wow, I’m almost done school and it’s almost time to get a job. Literally, that was what happened just now.

Job. What the hell is my job going to be?? I got a boyfriend who’s 25, making some solid money with IBM and I’m almost 22, studying for physiology which I will never use after I’m done this course. Who knew 3.5 years makes such a difference?

But it isn’t school we need to worry about. It’s about what you’re going to do with yourself after. Are you studying what is needed for life? Are you giving up because it doesn’t matter? Every choice that we make, makes a huge impact on our future. Every choice- that includes the night you should have been studying but instead went out to get drunk- on a Thursday. Maybe that extra few hours was the deciding factor between pass or fail. And then you go on this spiral of self loathing ‘damn it self, why are you getting such bad grades?’ and depression. But you, young one, should know that academics will be the least of your problems.

It is what you’re doing right now that is going to bother you the most after school. Regrets are going to come back and haunt you- why didn’t I study harder? Why did I let myself borderline fail my third year? Even worse, why did I waste all my time in school giving up instead of trying to make up for it to make my future a little brighter? I will tell you, I have given up thousands of times over these past 5 years in school, both on school and co-op terms. I had told myself that I can never do well on my midterms no matter how much I studied, I can never contribute to my varsity team’s wins because I’m not good enough, that I am a disappointment to all of those around me, and that my boyfriend will one day realize that I am a complete mess of a person and that he deserves a more well-put, successful, beautiful girl.

But then, what have I ever done to try and change this? Nothing.

I gave up because it was easier than fighting back.

You are studying because you can. You are totally capable of being one of those nerds. And you are able to stand on your own and live a full, successful life. It starts with doing things for yourself. As much as you feel like you need people to help you along the way, you are the only one who can make the biggest change in yourself. You are a winner- you need to tap into that part of your psyche that says I am a boss.

So how did I tap into mine? Anger. Anger that I’ve let myself fall and instead of picking myself back up, laid there. Anger that people I know who are equally as intelligent as me have a very happy life without seeming to make much effort while I made myself have an unhappy life. Anger that I was so insecure and was always belittling myself. Anger that all it took to change my gears was a thought:

Am I really going to keep waiting for people to understand me? They don’t, and they don’t need to. I don’t give a shit about what people think of me anymore- that includes my friends, my boyfriend, anyone. As long as I know I am going down a morally right path, I will do whatever it takes for myself to succeed in life.

I’m back in the game, bitches.