Experience means you know what’s best right?

So many times I’ve heard them say “I love you” or “You’re the best” or “There’s nobody else I want”. I’ve heard it so many times I actually can’t feel excited or happy that somebody said that to me and I can almost say I’m immune to those words. Sure, you can say that now but let’s see you say that a year from now, or two, if we even get to that point. I know when I toss those words out I mean them. I won’t ever take them back. So experience has taught me one thing about love and relationships: the typical things said are simply not enough. And never believe them.

I guess that’s kind of sad that I can’t believe in those words that are supposed to bring joy and are supposed to mean everything to someone. But it’s okay. Because experience tells me that the next person that can blow my mind away without using such typical responses or typical phrases is probably worth getting to know. But when you’re struggling to find a full time job while filling your time with a useless part time job, it gets hard to find someone like that. And I’m not even ready to go out to meet new people, flirt, and make myself jump into a new relationship. I don’t even think about relationships anymore. And where many of my friends do, or at least are contemplating on them, I can only smile and talk about it to appease their interest in them.

He’s my best friend and I care about him to bits. He’s my rock whenever I needed to be grounded, he’s my comfort whenever I needed to cry, and he’s always always there without fail, without disappointment. But experience means you know what’s best right?

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From Two to One to None.

I know these two guys- brothers- and they were my real close, good friends. Were, as you noted. No, we’re not close anymore, let alone good. We used to play together, eat together, hang out together. I used to love watching them bicker in the brotherly fashion they used, all those sassy, sarcastic and drop dead hilarious comments they threw at one another. I knew nothing, absolutely nothing, would come in between or break this bond. And the worst part was I had developed feelings for both of them. And so did they. But I loved the little brother in the sense that I felt like he was my own little brother. I loved the older brother romantically. He was my world, everything and anything I’ve wanted. He could have asked me to do groceries for him and I would have done it in a heartbeat. I was head over Hell for him. It was horrible, immature, and very, very raw. These feelings for him were unfiltered, unaltered, unmasked. People say you feel butterflies in your stomach- I felt pterodactyls. I wouldn’t even know what to say or how to act around him. When his little brother told me he had feelings for me, I faltered. I did, too, but no where near to the feelings I had for his older brother. And so, I let him go. Our friendship died overtime. He grew distant and cold. I didn’t really know who he was anymore, and that chapter in our lives ended too soon.

The older brother had pulled me within his orbit long before I realized it. There was a year where all I could think about was him- he was my first and last thought in my mind every day. Needless to say, that year in school fucking sucked. I had put in only an eighth of my studying efforts into that year. And yes, it was brutal. When I look back at it now, I want to slap myself in the face for being so stupid and blind. I knew exactly what he was going to do to me, and I knew exactly what I should have done but I did not. I let him ruin me, I let him tear me apart top to bottom. He was my most recent ex, the only man I’ve loved so hard, so long, and so purely; and I will never love anyone that purely again. None of it was worth it. I am sick of being played, wronged, and left for selfish reasons. I went from two friends to one, to none.

I had a dream last night. The three of us were lying on a bed, watching a movie. I had laid myself over the two of them- my legs over my ex, and my head propped on my hand and elbow on his brother’s lap. We were friends again. I felt so serene. I felt happy, something that hasn’t happened to me for a time now. But I woke up this morning and I returned to reality. They’re not a part of my life anymore. I don’t want them to be. I don’t want to be reminded of how I failed in keeping the two people I cherished the most. We’re not friends anymore. We are all just memories of each other.

The Exes That Try To Be Friends

I think I’ve posted something along the lines of ‘can exes every be friends’ and I think, my conclusion came to a no. Everybody knows that. But, is there a slight possibility that against all odds amongst the heart breaking, the anger and frustration and the guilt that it’s still possible to be just friends? Friends who care about each other without yearning to be in a relationship, friends who accept they have history, accept they loved each other but just knows they can’t be together?

Well, I’m sort of in this rut. From the devoted (and maybe overly doting) girlfriend, back to my original, normal, tomboy sweats-allday-errday getup self. Now that I think about it, it’s quite terrifying to see how I had been pushed deeply to my feminine side when I was dating. Not that it’s a bad thing- I now have a great appreciation for sexy dressy outfits and shoes. (AREN’T YOU SO PROUD OF ME?) The man who dumped me though, I feel, has never experienced the wrath of a truly unforgiving woman. Which luckily, I am not. In fact, some people say I’m too forgiving and I’m being taken advantage of. Truth be told, that’s how I find it easier to remain friends with him.

Does this friendship work? Well, I know I still have feelings for him. But I also know I’ll never, ever get back together with him, as much as my heart wants to. This time, my brain is telling me that he isn’t worth it. Third time is NOT the charm with these things. There is no way someone has so little self respect that they let themselves fall for the same person 3 times. I at least respect myself enough not to let it happen. So when we talk, it’s fine. No, seriously. It’s pretty nonchalant. I treat him like I do my other male friends. I don’t seek him out actively. When things remind me of him, I smile, remembering, but I never let it make me sad. Although, I would not, again, actively seek out things that remind me of him. Funny thing was, he texted me today, and I told him I missed his super adorable dog, to which he replied saying how I can visit her (at his house mind you) whenever I wanted.

Um. Let’s rewind a bit. That’s a little insensitive, no?

I mean, I’m cool with being friends. But to push it isn’t cool. Is that an invitation to his house? He’s inviting me, the girl he broke up with, back to his house to see his dog. Let’s just leave it at that.

I think the real answer to this topic is it definitely relies on the breakup-ee. This person, assuming having done nothing wrong to cause the breakup, gains all the power they lost when they got dumped. They now hold the power to either be friends or not. And as a stranger on the internet, I give you my advice: don’t try to make them miserable. You’re better than that. Things can’t be forgotten, but they can be forgiven. And you have every right to feel angry and frustrated but just ask yourself if it is worth losing a friendship over something you know deep down wasn’t going to work anyways.

We’re just friends, goddamn it.

How do we define friends?

I have a friend. I am a female and he is a male. We haven’t been friends for too too long, only a couple months. But conversation came easy- we joked and laughed and made fun of each other without hard feelings. It was a good friendship. There was no physicality in this friendship- no touching, no physical flirting. But still, people believed something was happening between us- and I have a boyfriend.

How do we define friendliness? How does being nice to somebody equate to you having feelings for them? How do people jump to the conclusion about two people who are really, simply, just friends? Can two members of the opposite sex not be friends? Is sexual attraction so strong in the human nature that friendship is nothing more than our innate sense of reproduction ??

Friendship happens when two people care for the others company. If there was nothing in common or nothing you like about that person enough for you to hang out with, friendship would not exist. This happens for any combination of the sexes. Humans cannot live long alone. They need company. And a person who is just like you is good company because you can be yourself with them, and they are comfortable to be around. It’s like hanging out with yourself only, an actual conversation can happen. It does not mean you have to have any romantic feelings for them. Sure it is a great teaser, let’s be serious.. But in all honesty, it shouldn’t be something to joke about. Feelings change- maybe what was once a good friendship can be destroyed by rumors.

Friendship COULD lead to relationship but it is not inevitable. We may laugh and have a great time but at the end of the day our hearts know who we will be with and who we want to be with.

Don’t let other people ruin your friendships. They are a beautiful thing and friends are what keeps us strong when there is a need for a hug, a laugh, or celebration for the good times.

Can We Be Friends? (But Not Really?)

Can exes be friends? Like, real friends? I feel like you could. But it wouldn’t be the same. You can’t joke about things anymore because it reminds you of the past and it suddenly becomes awkward. You don’t want your feelings to become stirred again- happy or sad. Things are fine, not talking. But things are also fine talking. Is it really? You don’t know. Your body naturally stops you from hurting yourself- physically and emotionally. When things are going okay, you cut it short- you don’t want to be hurt again. Exes probably can’t be friends. Acquaintances, at best. “Yeah, I know her.” But you probably wouldn’t say “I used to love her.” It hurts when you really think about it. It hurts when you realized that the person you honestly would have wanted to live your life with just won’t be that person anymore. And it sucks. How are you supposed to call yourselves friends when there is no interaction anymore? Your friends called her a keeper. But she was the one who left. A hole in your group of friends, segregation. You can’t forgive and you can’t forget. But isn’t that what friends do? You guys can’t be friends. It’s either love or indifference. Friendship is obliterated once a relationship is over. There is no going back. Can you live with that decision? Can you live knowing that who you once loved is now a total stranger? Even if both sides of the party wanted to remain friends, life doesn’t work that way. You can’t be. You never will be again.