The Love Everyone Wants.

There she stood, dressed in her light blue tank top and leather jacket blazer, her hair draped over her eyes as the rain poured over both of your heads. She smiled, her eyes glistening with the rain and gave a soft chuckle, “just wait, it’ll pass.” But the rain didn’t stop, and just looking at her gave you the strongest urge to kiss her. She was the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen in your life and even standing in the wet and cold felt like heaven to you- because she was here, right beside you, and the look whenever you catch her looking at you gave you unspeakable chills down your spine and you feel the corners of your mouth lift uncontrollably into a smile. Your feelings for her cannot be put into words. You cannot stop looking at her and you couldn’t stop loving her. You would give the entire world for her. The way her face fit in your hands, the way she looks up into your eyes, the feel of her lips when you kiss her. You would tell her she is beautiful everyday. She made you feel so free and loved. She was your life.

“Promise me this is forever.”

You couldn’t have heard better music to your ears.

“I promise.”

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She’s Not Allowed to Care.

Every love you had in your life- despite having failed in them, will always have a mark in your heart. Especially the ones that were good to you. The ones that were amazing but just wasn’t meant to be. I talked with a friend earlier and he had told me that his ex shouldn’t be allowed to care about him after dumping him. That after what she did to him, all the pain and suffering he felt, it just didn’t feel right for her to ever talk to him again.

As guilty for my past doing, I have dumped a guy not because of him but for another man. But..oh my wretched heart, it’s not like I don’t care about him anymore. I know I have left him and I know that he probably never wants to talk to me ever again but that is him, not me. For me, I still do care- I would like to know what he’s up to nowadays, how he’s doing. That doesn’t mean I’m going backwards no- it’s sort of like having a part of you in someone else and you just always want to be whole again but you can’t. It’s like that. It keeps propelling you towards them to seek them out even after doing what you did, because you did give a part of yourself to them. I don’t know if this is even right- but what is right or what is wrong? Are human emotions wrong?

But the fact that you broke someone’s heart does not mean you are an evil person. Everyone has their reasons- albeit socially acceptable or not. Nobody ever means to hurt someone on purpose,rather, we hurt people because we don’t know what we want, what we’re looking for, who we want to be. And as much as we think we do, we don’t, until the moment you realize you are bound to someone by law and by bathroom routine.

If he is your boyfriend he has a responsibility.

So my parents believe. They’re your typical Asians while my boyfriend is more well, whitewashed. And there is nothing, and I mean nothing, more infuriating than listening to these words.

My boyfriend does not have a responsibility to drive me all the time. He does not have the responsibility to spoil me with money he doesn’t have. He does not have the responsibility of dating my parents. And most of all he does not have the responsibility of making me feel like a god damn fucking princess.

He does have the responsibility of making me happy. He does have the responsibility of making me feel comfortable and loved. He has the responsibility of making me trust him and putting his heart out on the table for this relationship. And he has done just all that.

To all of you that may be suffering this same moral clash I want to let you know that the only thing that matters is the two of you. Your parents are your guides. Not your significant other. They have taught you all the things that is important and you have to choose what you want to listen to and what you believe is right. They cannot force you down the same road that may have worked for them. Because this is your life and your life alone. Your choices are your own and nobody had a right to tell you otherwise what responsibilities you owe.

Why Won’t He Commit to Me? [contains profanity]

Warning: This post is meant to be highly motivational but also highly criticizing. Read at your own discretion.

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Well, this is actually pretty simple. You and boy meet. You like boy, boy maybe likes you. You want to see where you guys can go. You guys meet up and stuff, get to know each other a little more, and then when you think he’s definitely gonna ask you out, he disappears. You go what the fuck and try to find him while he’s trying to avoid you at all cost. Big question is why? This just makes him look like a huge douchebag who just wanted you to suck his dick. So what’s the real reason why he won’t commit?

There are two routes, aka two possible answers and two possible answers only: He doesn’t see you in the future when he really thought about it, or he has no idea what to do.

In the first case, this basically means he needs to take a step back from all the fun flirting and re-evaluate his position with you right now. Sure it’s all fun and games and hot steamy make outs (with maybe sex) and nothing but ponies and rainbows but maybe you have a quirk that he just can’t work with. And no, this isn’t your fault. Everyone has their quirks. But he just can’t stand yours. You can’t blame him, nor blame yourself. This simply says you two don’t really fit. That’s that. There’s no alternative, crazy mind-blowing extraterrestrial explanation for it. He’s all up for the fun and games but if he sees himself settling down some day in the future..he just doesn’t see you as his wife material. This isn’t saying you AREN’T wife material- I’m saying you’re not HIS. So how else are you going to stop the budding relationship from progressing further? Stop the flirting, stop the contact- stop the train before its brakes break and there’s no turning back unless you crash and burn. That’s a possible explanation for why he doesn’t want to commit to you. And I will tell you some things that will make that man come running back to you, or at least, at some point in his life, realize that DAMN, I totally missed out on this girl.

The second case is better news, yet also ridiculously stupid. And frustrating. But hey, at least there’s a faint ray of hope for you. When a guy likes a girl but has no idea what to do to progress further, they always somehow mess it up. It’s funny because their shyness and absolute blockheadedness cause us feminine creatures to foam at the mouth because of their drastic change in personality. It’s like yesterday he was just teasing you and being all physical with you and being extremely flirtatious saying you have eyes that sparkle like the waters of Capri that you can feel your heart in your mouth and then the next day he’s dead somewhere in the mountains of Mordor and nobody can find him. Why? Because he doesn’t know what the next step is. He has no clue how to make you his; basically he’s a fucking noob. And the girl gets the shit end of the stick because we have no idea what’s going on- and yes, admit it, we think of a gazillion scenarios why he didn’t return that text- is he with another girl? am i just his booty call? did his phone die? he’s just ignoring me because he just wanted action? is he still sleeping? did he pass out drunk? we had such a good time what happened? did he actually not like me at all? was i too fake? was i too blunt? are my boobs not big enough? Meanwhile, he’s literally sitting at home pacing in circles because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never asked a girl out before (or a girl like you before) and he doesn’t want to mess up and feel like a total idiot. If this is the case, you just have to give the boy some time, and GENTLY let him know it’s okay to ask you out.

Now, back to the topic: let’s assume you’re going through scenario one. How do you handle this?

This is a list of everything you need to do for yourself.

1. Be yourself. This is so simple yet the most important thing on the list. How do you expect someone will love you for who you are when you’re never who you really are? You can’t bend yourself to MAKE a person like you. Frankly, if you had to do that to catch someone’s attention, you already know deep down you can’t work this out with them. If you can’t be yourself, how do you expect them to be themselves? What happens if they fall for this fake you? How can you be like that for the rest of your life? It’s not even worth it, not even for one second. If they can’t accept you for who you really are, they forget it. Forget it, there is absolutely NO point in pursuing this any further. If they don’t like it, they can go suck it.

2. Be able to stand on your own two feet. Independence is SO key in a man’s checklist. Notice how I said man and not boy. If you’re all whiny and pouty and have no idea what to do after a problem and refuse to fight back, that already says a lot about you. You’re a quitter and you let life get the better of you. Nobody wants a loser, everybody wants a winner. Everybody will respect a winner. So you have to win. How do you win? You need to learn to fend for yourself. You have to stop relying on others, ESPECIALLY your partner. Your partner is not there as your life crutches, they’re there as your coach, your motivation, your goal. They are the ones that drive you to become independent because you know that in order to live in harmony, you need to be stable on your own first. We’re all human- that means we all mess up. But if he messes up, he needs to know that you won’t mess up because of him because you can stand on your own. And in the same sense of how you need him, he needs you too, so that when he falls, he knows that you will be able to pull him back up. As long as one stays standing, the foundation can always be repaired.

3. Realize your own worth. You can’t just sit back and cry because the man of your dreams crushed your hopes. I had that happen to me. And instead of running away, I faced it. I told it to his face. And he made me realize that I’m honestly so much better than this. I don’t need to wait around for him- he can’t just reserve me until he’s ready. No matter how hard I had fallen for him, no matter how much I loved him already, I needed to go. I needed to step away and take a look at the situation. He’s not coming back. I don’t NEED him to come back. I can be happy on my own. I can do this myself without him. I’ll prove him wrong my way. I forced myself to peel away from him as painful and absolutely crushing as it was, I had to do it all on my own. Because I’m better than this, I’m not some pathetic whiny little girl who relies on men to be boss in this world. So I stepped up my game. And guess what. He wanted me back so damn hard I had a hard time grasping that fact. I had actually given up on him that I wasn’t even able to take him back instantly. I had to think about it- and that made me realize that I WAS able to do things that I needed to do no matter how hard it was for me. Because I understood my own worth.

4. You’re better than him. And this is because you’re fucking better than him. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are, that automatically says he’s an asshole, and a pretentious fucker. Does he REALLY think he’s better than you? Don’t you relish the fact that you can absolutely crush him in your own way? Challenge him. Flaunt your own abilities. Because you don’t need a proud motherfucker in your life who can’t do anything else but gloat. All words and no action says he’s a pussy with dinky balls.

5. Be better, not bitter. There’s no use in crying over spilt milk. You want him to notice you? Get better in everything you do. Be driven to be successful. The human brain is an amazing thing. You CAN do ANYTHING if you REALLY wanted to. That’s right. He can ask you out. If he really wanted to. Be sassy and be able to back it up. Brains over makeup. At the end of the day, what really perks a man’s interest is your ability to have INTELLIGENT conversations with him. Or at least conversations where he can see that you’re intelligent.

6. Be realistic. Life’s a bitch, suck it up. What are you going to do? Self pity is the worst poison for yourself. Never self pity. That only gives you an excuse to be miserable and pathetic when all of that useless energy could be used to make yourself a better person. Nobody is going to like a pitiful person. It makes you look childish, and inexperienced in life. Life will constantly throw you shit and you can dodge them if you’re fast enough- but if it hits you, you have to learn to wipe it off and keep going at full speed. You can’t let it faze you like that. You will NEVER be able to win if you do.

7. He’s only worth it if he makes you a better person. Be honest. Just like being yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone else around you WHO MATTER. One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel. You can’t waste your time and energy with toxic people, worthless people, or people who make you feel like shit. WHY would you want to be with them? You cannot expect everyone in this world to understand what you’re thinking or even begin to know what you’re thinking. You can NEVER get anywhere in life if you hang around people who look down on you, who makes you feel useless, or make you feel like you’re worthless. You will forever be groping in the dark and in the abyss of life while the light is still at the end of the tunnel and you’re just refusing to go towards it. You’re not the only one in the world who has had shit happen to them. What will make you different is how you overcame it. If he doesn’t make you a better person, in any way, it’s so OBVIOUS that he’s of no value to you in your life that a blind man would be blinded from its obviousness. You won’t be able to make yourself better that’s for sure. And you would just be going down that ladder of life.

8. Your own happiness comes first. If you’re not happy, he won’t be happy to be with you. Simple as that.

 

This is not meant to offend ANYONE and I am sorry if I did. All I’m trying to do is share my thoughts on this issue of commitment- and it all boils down to one point: Be your own amazing person. A person who glows happiness and confidence will attract ANYONE. This is how you play the game of relationships.

How To Maintain a Lasting (like..lasting) Relationship

Yeah, I’m looking at you youngins- no, a month long relationship isn’t a lasting relationship. Neither is a two month, or three, or five. I’m talking about years and years (oh ew, with the same person??)

Well, I won’t put you guys in the line of fire- I was just teasing. In fact, I was like that once. 16, was my first relationship and oh, how wonderful it felt to be in love. I didn’t know what being hurt meant, I didn’t know how much it would hurt. I still remember telling myself: if we ever do breakup it won’t be a problem. I was definitely strong enough to handle it! (Pft, as if. I wasn’t over it for the next 2 years.)

As I kept getting older, I kept going through relationships, all which I took very seriously. With each one that has passed, I’ve learned something new about what it takes to make a relationship last. Now don’t take this as the word of God, just some pointers, food for thought.

#1: Be Honest.

Yeah, really. I know how hard it is sometimes; EVERYBODY lies a little in a relationship (you remember the cookie you stole from her and you told her you don’t know who took it?) but NOBODY should lie about something big. Something major, like your feelings. An ex. Your family. Your interests. A relationship is building a house- putting together the foundation made of real bricks and cement is a lot more work than making it out of foam and soap and of course, definitely a lot stronger. If you lie to them about how happy you are when you really aren’t, then hell will ensue. Because they will keep doing what makes you sad thinking they’re actually making you happy. Why would you want to do that to yourself? When you’re honest with one another, 2 things happen: you will fight, and you will know whether the relationship is worth it by the end of it.

#2: Be Independent.

You know what I mean. Be your own person. If your happiness is dependent on them, something isn’t quite right…and you probably would want to re-evaluate this. Don’t get me wrong again…I get those feelings of want and need too. I would love to see my boyfriend everyday. I miss him everyday. But I don’t go on a rampage if I don’t. I don’t demand him to see me- instead, I fill my days up with something productive, like working out. Paying my bills. Finding a stupid sublet for my next school term and in the process, be gipped out of my money…erm, and etc. Being your own person will make being with them that much better because you can stand on your own two feet. And nothing is sexier than a person who can thrive in and out of a relationship.

#3: Be Affectionate, but not Overbearing.

They look at their phone again and roll their eyes as you send them another “I love you baby” text. The words are starting to look like everyday prepositions. They probably don’t even take it seriously anymore. Giving too much love and affection can produce the opposite effect, and yes, as you grow older, this IS true. When your focus isn’t on undressing your girlfriend with your eyes anymore and instead, on your graduating year at university, or your full time job/career, these overbearing affections will make you go crazy. You just got no time for it, not because you don’t share the feeling; it just feels childish and infatuous (yes I just made this word up, sue me). And when you’re working full time, you don’t want to feel like a child. Neither do they.

#4: Be Sensitive.

You gotta care about them. Otherwise, why the hell are you in a relationship with them? Do you know their problems? Their personal, health, problems? Do you know how to make them feel better when they’re down in the dumps? Do you know how to make her laugh when she’s crying? Do you know how to make him feel like the luckiest guy in the world? Being sensitive shows you care about them genuinely. You listen to them and you act appropriately. You take their problems to heart, and you make sacrifices for them. The grad ball you were going to take her to falls instantly from your agenda when she falls ill, and instead of going solo, you spend that night with her at the hospital. You don’t have to think about being sensitive- you shouldn’t. It should just happen naturally, because you love them, don’t you?

#5: Keep Calm and Argue On.

All your pent-up anger bubbles in your chest and– you let it all out with a sigh. Arguing with loud, vulgar taunts at each other only proves one thing: you’re both still unable to handle things maturely. So you guys can yell and scream- what good does that do? Would your point be heard better compared to if you were to speak at a normal tone? It’s normal to get heated in an argument, but if it becomes a caveman yelling war, you guys are straying off track. Being able to keep a level head is absolutely the best way to counter. Why? Because it makes the other person look silly (assuming they’re yelling). By having such a drastic change in volume, the other person will automatically drop their voice. Win-win for both your ears.

#6: Is There a Future?

The most important point of all. When you picture yourself- being an entrepreneur, or a businessman, or an architect- do you see yourself being with someone? Do you feel like you can accept that whole new path? Are you READY? Is she the one you want in your life, the one you want to come home to, the one you want to tell all your family and friends to, the one you want to marry? Can you stand their shenanigans, their quirky personality, their ridiculous sense of humour, their cooking? How they’re scared of spiders, or how they’re unable to eat gluten? Think about it. Because this may be what you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

“I don’t mind.”

i’ve been speaking from a passive voice but not today. today i feel like ranting. i’m going to rant.

it’s been bugging me, but i hope i’m not the only one. you don’t say ‘i don’t mind’ when your boyfriend or girlfriend asks to see you. you say ‘no sorry, no time’ or ‘yes, i want to see you too’. you know what ‘i don’t mind’ translates to me as? ‘i couldn’t give less of a fuck if i see you or not. if i see you, cool, if i don’t cool.’

and it boggles me that you would NOT want to see your boyfriend/girlfriend. it boggles me that you have time to be okay with seeing me but not the incentive to see me. it boggles me that you have the time to be okay with seeing me but not wanting to see me.

do you see it? wanting to see them and not minding seeing them are VERY. DIFFERENT. THINGS.

wanting to see someone is rare. you know, people get bored of each other real fast once you hang out with them all the time. you end up asking each other ‘what do you wanna do?’ ‘i dont know, what do you wanna do?’ all the time. it becomes tedious. boring. you don’t want to see the other person because you don’t want to be in a stale atmosphere. when you want to see someone, you’re looking for stimulus. excitement. companionship. when you want to see someone, you want to talk endlessly, non-stop, because you simply just love talking to them. when you want to see someone, all your attention is spent on them. when you’re in love with someone you want to see them.

not minding seeing someone happens everyday. remember that one high school acquaintance you said you’d eat sushi with 5 years ago? you wouldn’t mind seeing them and eating sushi with them. you wouldn’t mind seeing your uncle from your mother’s side who lives on the other side of the world (who you don’t really know and who is twice removed) for a dinner with your family. you wouldn’t mind seeing your annoying neighbours to play with their extremely cute dog. now replace ‘not mind’ with ‘want’. that doesn’t happen often does it?

saying ‘i don’t mind’ when your girlfriend asks to see you is equivalent to you brushing her off. you don’t have to feel bad. honestly, i prefer if you give me a very straight to the point answer: yes or no. ‘i don’t mind’ is telling me you’re a pussy, i.e. you’re scared to tell me you don’t really want to see me without hurting my feelings. please. we’re all busy people here. you don’t have to give me some bullshit excuse to waste my time with you if you have nothing to give. the only reason why i want to see you is because i want to spend what time i have to your companionship. as in, i’m free at the moment and i would like to spend my time with you. if i didn’t have time to spare or if i prefer having my own time to myself, i wouldn’t ask in the first place. there are no feelings hurt with a ‘no’. there are very many feelings hurt when you say ‘i don’t mind’. because to me, that’s saying i can’t handle being rejected but at the same time you don’t really feel like spending your time on me but you HAVE to because you feel OBLIGATED to do so, as your ROLE as a BOYFRIEND. ffs, we’re not fucking children here. i am sick and tired of going around in circles and nothing is sexier to me than a guy who is straight up and honest and blunt. i am emotional but i absorb constructive criticism like sun rays. i may feel shitty but what else did you expect me to feel, GREAT that you don’t WANT to see me? of course not. but i will understand it, and i will not have to rant to strangers on the internet.

one day, if we ever get to that point, and you ask me ‘do you want to marry me?’, i think i will be very tempted to say ‘i don’t mind.’

Between Loving Someone, and Being In Love.

sitting there, listening to him speak about his amazing travels and how he wished he should have taken the job down south instead of staying here. there it is again, there just is no sugarcoating anything with him. practical, and realistic. to him, love doesn’t mean expressing it vividly in public or telling you that all he ever wants to do is to be with you. because he doesn’t, and there are things to be done, places to be seen. to him, it’s all about how you fit around him, not the other way around. if it is inconvenient for him, he won’t do it. love to him is encouragement and support, and just knowing the other person is there.

i used to be like that. that was how i was brought up- the most meaningful relationship is the one where you don’t spend your time thinking about them every single second of your life, but just knowing and trusting the relationship itself. i used to share his views on a relationship- i don’t know why it’s changed. to me now, if you can’t stop telling yourself they’re amazing and how lucky you are everyday to be with them, you aren’t in love. so what’s the difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone?

being in love leads to loving. but that shouldn’t mean that you stop being in love with them. it’s like an infinite grey area, and the ‘in’ makes or breaks the definition. doesn’t that make sense? it should. is it possible to love someone and NOT be in love with them? it is.

you love your family. are you in love with them? no…not in this context. your love for them is strong as ever and you would do anything for them- but you are not romantically linked to them. that is how it feels when you love someone without being in love with them.

now the question to ask yourself is: are you in love with them, or simply just love them?

How Do You Know?

How do you know they’re right for you? Is it the comfortable zone you get in when you’re around them, or is it the fact that you guys never run out of things to say? Do you guys fight? And if you fight, what happens? Do you talk it out or do you yell it out? Are the misunderstandings cleared or just pushed aside?

Sometimes it’s hard to think someone is right for you simple because, maybe, you guys have completely different interests. One loves baseball, the other loves reading. How do you get together to spend some quality time if that’s the case? Yet, you’re still with them. You don’t want to leave the other person. Why? When it’s so obvious that you two don’t really…match.

Maybe you guys grew up with different people. One person grew up in a very nerdy, geeky environment while the other grew up in a brash, boozey and partying environment. How can the two ever mix? Well…I guess there is the exception of a combination of the two: a nerdy party-goer. That’s pretty awesome.

I want to post this for a very selfish reason: I just want to complain a little. It’s not bad, I promise. Maybe you can empathize. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend very, very, very much and I am not thinking of going anywhere. So there’s my problem- I am extremely low maintenance (meaning I am undemanding of attention, let him have his own space while having my own, and seeing him like once or twice a week). But I also feel a little lonely at times- I know, that doesn’t mean I’m undemanding of attention right? Wrong. I feel lonely in the sense that I’m the only one in this. Sure he’s reassured me several times but hell, it’s like me telling you I’m actually a PhD student from MIT studying theoretical physics but, yes, I’m completely lying. It’s the effort, ladies and gents.

All the early feels and emotions before he started dating me…w-wait, where’d it go? The messaging and the want to talk to me, the want to see me… where did it all go? I’m probably being way too emotional and completely ignoring the fact that my head is telling me I’m being way too insecure. But when it all came down to the question: could and would I break up with him? I can’t say yes. And I don’t think I ever could. It’s someTHING, like, not even the concrete things such as interests…it’s just this invisible, tiny thread that is binding us for some unknown purpose… and I’m just not going to fight it anymore.

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours, but if not, they never were meant to be.”

The 5 Things Girls Absolutely Love (If you do this)

  1. When you pick us up. No, not in a car. I mean, literally, pick us up in your arms. It doesn’t matter how skinny or jacked you are (chances are, you’re still going to be stronger than us simply because you’re men), we love it when you swing us around. We also love it when you grab us by our waist and swing us underneath you to continue, well, making out. It makes us feel feminine and that’s how we should be feeling!
  2. When you’re spontaneous. Sending a random text to us while we’re working (or in class) brightens up our day..for the rest of the day. We’re really that simple to please.
  3. When you cook with us. I know not all girls cook so perhaps this may not relate to you (if you’re a girl and you don’t cook…get on that!!) but even if you guys aren’t big on cooking, try it. It’s honestly fun and it brings you two closer together. Make a new recipe. Try baking. Got into a fight? Make up by cooking something delicious together.
  4. When you hold our face in your hands. Right then and there, we know you really love us. And there’s nothing more sexier when you look at us in our eyes too.
  5. When you occasionally flaunt us in public. I don’t mean ripping our shirts off to let everyone see our bodies. I mean when you hold us by the waist while walking, kissing us on the side of our forehead, or even just holding our hands tightly; it’s telling us we’re yours and we wouldn’t want it any other way.