From Two to One to None.

I know these two guys- brothers- and they were my real close, good friends. Were, as you noted. No, we’re not close anymore, let alone good. We used to play together, eat together, hang out together. I used to love watching them bicker in the brotherly fashion they used, all those sassy, sarcastic and drop dead hilarious comments they threw at one another. I knew nothing, absolutely nothing, would come in between or break this bond. And the worst part was I had developed feelings for both of them. And so did they. But I loved the little brother in the sense that I felt like he was my own little brother. I loved the older brother romantically. He was my world, everything and anything I’ve wanted. He could have asked me to do groceries for him and I would have done it in a heartbeat. I was head over Hell for him. It was horrible, immature, and very, very raw. These feelings for him were unfiltered, unaltered, unmasked. People say you feel butterflies in your stomach- I felt pterodactyls. I wouldn’t even know what to say or how to act around him. When his little brother told me he had feelings for me, I faltered. I did, too, but no where near to the feelings I had for his older brother. And so, I let him go. Our friendship died overtime. He grew distant and cold. I didn’t really know who he was anymore, and that chapter in our lives ended too soon.

The older brother had pulled me within his orbit long before I realized it. There was a year where all I could think about was him- he was my first and last thought in my mind every day. Needless to say, that year in school fucking sucked. I had put in only an eighth of my studying efforts into that year. And yes, it was brutal. When I look back at it now, I want to slap myself in the face for being so stupid and blind. I knew exactly what he was going to do to me, and I knew exactly what I should have done but I did not. I let him ruin me, I let him tear me apart top to bottom. He was my most recent ex, the only man I’ve loved so hard, so long, and so purely; and I will never love anyone that purely again. None of it was worth it. I am sick of being played, wronged, and left for selfish reasons. I went from two friends to one, to none.

I had a dream last night. The three of us were lying on a bed, watching a movie. I had laid myself over the two of them- my legs over my ex, and my head propped on my hand and elbow on his brother’s lap. We were friends again. I felt so serene. I felt happy, something that hasn’t happened to me for a time now. But I woke up this morning and I returned to reality. They’re not a part of my life anymore. I don’t want them to be. I don’t want to be reminded of how I failed in keeping the two people I cherished the most. We’re not friends anymore. We are all just memories of each other.

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Let’s Fly

I’ve dreamed of the day when we would board that plane to Italy- just the two of us. I dreamed that we would be so excited we wouldn’t be able to sleep the previous night and we would stay up all night talking about our itinerary and anything we may have forgotten to pack. I dreamed that we would fly across the world and experience something new and breathtaking together. Capri, I had told you, was my must-see. And you said you would be my traveling buddy. It sounded great at the time, until now. You never made us more intimate. I was always left out in your world, just a side thing, just a buddy. My plane swerved and started to nosedive. You had faded so fast from me I didn’t even notice.

Up, up, here we go, where we stop… everybody knows.

You don’t love me; you love the idea of me.

I have this habit where I would be working on something completely academic (like these law notes I am supposedly studying) and suddenly I’d be having imaginary conversations with myself. Sound familiar? I hope I’m not the only one.

Funny thing is, I’d be having imaginary conversations with the man who broke my heart- I don’t really like labeling him with the ‘correct’ term for some reason because, well, I don’t really wanna go there just yet. Maybe I’m still in denial. Or maybe not after reading what I’m going to share.

Honestly, I’m not that sad anymore. I am sad of course, shit, sad as fuck but, I’m dealing with it in a manner I didn’t even know I could. And I think this definitely has to be thanked for by the FIRST time he broke my heart- I’m sure every ounce of emotions and feelings for him has been swept away the first time which leaves only a bit of residual for the second. The coping part, I mean. I loved him with all my heart yes. And that just got me thinking- how does someone never love you back when you love them so much?

So while talking in my imaginary conversation, I imagined him talking to me again. You know, just friends, catching up after years later. By then he would have had the best career experience in his life, become successful, find himself, and will be extremely content with his life. I, on the other hand, would be extremely content with my career because I’m picky. And my job would not be just any job, it would be a job I know I can be happy with. I’m making a good living for myself, loving what I do, and I have all my friends and family to spend time with. And then we’d start to reminisce, talking about that time we went to D&B and we got the jackpot twice. Yeah, I still remember. And then we’d fall silent, sipping on our respective drinks. I still care about you, he’d say. And I’d nod, and shrug my shoulders. Yeah, me too. I did love you, he’d continue. This time, I’d put down my cup, smile tartly, then quickly shake my head.

“No, you didn’t. I respect that you tried. But you never loved me. You only loved the idea of me.”

Where in the hell did I think of that response? I must admit, my eyes widened (not that anyone saw) when I thought of that response. It was funny because I’d continue the conversation and I’d see him shaking his head. Believe what you want to believe, he’d say, just like he did when he decided we cannot continue our relationship. Then I’d smile again. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this you know. And I’m positive everything  that has happened between us only lead to that answer. You know why I didn’t cut the relationship off? Because I wanted it, I am committed to it, and I was the only one trying anymore. And obviously, it couldn’t work because it was only one side trying- I was tipping the boat onto its side either way.Yeah we both made sacrifices, but what sacrifices did you make of yourself to it? Cancelling a class doesn’t really count. I meant person-wise. You refused to make more time for me. You knew I had trust issues because of you yet, blame me that I have trust issues and that it wasn’t fair to compare. I don’t think that’s me trying to compare. I think those were the solid, hard facts. The hard facts stared straight at me: you will never give up your time for me without me asking. And of course, being the one who knows you, who loves  you, I would never ask you to give your own time up for me. I always just wanted you to do it yourself. That was the problem in the first place, you couldn’t sacrifice yourself for the relationship, and you weren’t committed to do so even though you showed so much promise in the beginning. My answer is that when you truly love someone, you can and will make those sacrifices. You can’t help it- you want this person. Caring isn’t loving but loving automatically includes caring.Those personal sacrifices are worth taking for this person whom you love. Whom you’re committed to when you first asked her out. Which lets me prove that you never loved me, only the idea of me. Or, alternatively, you’ve never actually experienced what real love is.

Damn, I should try writing some deep, relatable thought provoking articles for Thought Catalog or something. Or not. Maybe I’m just delusional. I felt like I wrote something grand but really, probably, I wrote some piece of crap that just sounds depressing and definitely points to the fact that I’m still in denial.

Why People Fall Out of Love

It happens. The extreme butterflies that you feel when you begin a new relationship, a new bond forging. The way your heart quickens at the sight and even hearing their name. They way they’re the first and last thing on your mind when you wake up and go to sleep every day. You can’t stop thinking about them, literally. Everything you do reminds you of them, and how you wish they were with you.

The relationship ensues. Happiness ensues. But to what ends? Fights start to occur. Differences start to appear. Values start to become clear, and this relationship, where you once thought is going to last forever, breaks apart into little pieces because one side just can’t handle it anymore.

A common explanation is “My feelings aren’t as strong anymore.”

Why? Why do feelings have to be such fleeting things? Nobody means to hurt anyone yet, it happens. Why is the heart such a fickle thing? How on earth can we claim that we love someone then? Why do feelings grow stronger or grow weaker? Is there a way to manipulate someone’s feelings so that they never stop loving you? How is that normal, how is that natural? Everyone talks about ‘the game’. But playing the game only has one purpose: to string the person out until they cave without letting them know exactly how strong you feel about them. Why must we do this to ourselves? Why do we play this damn game?

We crave something new. Fresh experiences. New feelings. It’s in our nature to love. But it’s also in our nature to keep finding someone else once we become comfortable. And there’s the rub- they just became too comfortable with you. There’s no more excitement for them, no thrill of the chase, just stability. And what’s a relationship without chaos, without drama? So they fall out of love. Slowly, unknowingly.. until it hits you. Both.

the seven deadly sins in a relationship

Gluttony: the urge to keep chewing off more than you can swallow. The urge to ask for more when it was more than enough. The urge to push their limits in order to go past satisfied. You want their lives. You’re eating their lives, their personal space, their own time to work on themselves.

Lust: you crave their touch and how they make you feel so damn good. The way their fingers trace you and how soft or hard their kisses are. You want the feeling of letting yourself go completely and to feel that orgasmic sense of relief and goodness that you can’t feel anywhere else in your life. You want it dirty because everything else in your life is so organized and restrained- lust is your way out. And sometimes it is not even personal. Just an outlet.

Pride: they work at a prestigious workplace. You don’t. And it hurts you, to think that without an equally prestigious job, you have no chance in making this relationship work. Afterall, who would want to be with someone who isn’t even up to your standards? You know they take pride. You just can’t match it. You bury yourself with thoughts of an imminent societal conflict. And if there really is no way out.. It’s their pride and joy.

Envy: they have pictures of their exes but not with you. Their best friends are of the opposite sex. They have an easy going family who adapted to society. Their dog. Their happiness. Their success, and you in the dust forever wanting to catch up. But with a continent distance between you two.

Wrath: they broke your heart. They insulted you. They won the argument. They made references to their exes. They chose something else over you. And it gets trapped right beneath your ribcage, that hard thumping monster that wants to claw it’s way out of your heart. Anger and jealousy and extreme masochistic thoughts. And you let it out physically or let it in mentally.

Sloth: knowing they want you to drop the habit and pick up the other. But there is no other motivation. Knowing it is the better thing to do but it breaks your tradition and frankly, your routine. But it always gets postponed and it always hangs in the background forever on snooze.

Greed: You want them to give you even more, go beyond what is already amazing- just to see if there is anything more to collect. A little bit more love can’t hurt.

Some Days

When the rain falls, and there’s actually, literally, nothing to do. When nothing in the world seems to go right for you and everything impossibly ridiculous gets thrown in your face, when so much hatred builds up in your heart and gets bottled up inside you with nowhere to go. Some days it gets like this. When you realize that other people have the kind of happiness you want, and that you’ll never get that happiness. When you need comfort and all you do is put on your best IDGAF face and carry on. Nobody knows. You don’t particularly want anyone to know. You just feel like shit. You get shit you don’t even deserve. Somehow, buying $5 casual sunglasses turns into a lecture of how they’re a waste of money because they don’t protect your eyes. How spending money on a 3 day vacation turns into a lecture on saving money instead of spending it when you grow up otherwise you’ll become a fucking hobo. How wanting to get away from this hellhole turns into silence when you realize the moment you ask to get away, the answer is no anyways.

Some days are just like this. And today’s just one of those days.

Happiness Is…

1. Finding your missing sock after making out.

2. Getting your period on time.

3. Being yourself.

4. Watching movies while cuddling up.

5. Hugs.

6. Sleeping (just sleeping) together.

7. “I love you”

8. “I love you too”

9. Discovering they actually meant it.

10. Their unique smell.

11. Holding their hand.

12. The moment of utter peace in their presence.

13. Doing things together whether being outdoors or lounging with the TV.

14. Tickling them.

15. Taking a shower before seeing them.

16. The first kiss.

17. Independence without them.

18. Dependence with them.

19. The morning/good night texts.

20. Knowing they’re the one.

“We’re on a small break”

How many of you have experienced this before? Taking a little “break” from the relationship. It’s like a breakup, but not really. Basically you guys decided that you’ve had enough of each other for the day and (maybe after an argument) break if off. A small pause, a small “hold on, let me get my shit together first and I’ll be right back” kind of break.

Well, I’m here to tell you no. No, small breaks aren’t feasible. Small breaks aren’t real breaks- and it sucks for one or the other person in the relationship to think that there is such a thing as a small break. My first relationship ever, took a ‘small break’. I honestly thought that it was just, you know, a temporary break. He said to me “maybe we should take a break”. And to me, that meant a little pause to gather our thoughts then get back together.

No.

The “maybe we should take a break” literally means “we need to breakup”. It’s just a nicer, albeit pussy, way of putting it. Oh yes, it’s true. Small breaks NEVER work. There is no such thing as small breaks. When I asked him, a few days later, whether we were still on hold, he told me “yeah.” Then I asked him when we would get back together. He then told me the truth.

I guess I was never fond of that phrase after, go figure. Of course it devastated me and it hit me so hard right then and there when I realized that shit, the small break literally meant break up. So when people throw around the use of “oh we’re on a break”, it kinda bugs me a little. Not because it’s silly, no, it’s because one of them is going to get hurt tremendously in the end, which is inevitable anyways. And to be weened into that stage is the worst. There is no such thing as a good breakup, unless both people ACTUALLY end up mutually agreeing that neither loves one another anymore, honestly. There is no such thing as a little break. It’s either in or out. You can’t be ‘sort of’ in a relationship. It’s like saying “I’m kind of divorced, but not really”. And if you think about it, it doesn’t make any sense.

So what’s the point of this? The point is that if you had to take a break from the relationship, you might as well break it off. It means that things don’t work well enough for the both of you to stay together through the rough patches without calling it quits. Just think about it- if you end up marrying each other, and the SAME problems arise, are you going to go through a “small break” again? What if you live together? How can you not see each other while on this “small break”? What happens to your children? The house?

So please, man up. Face it. Face the problem. Don’t run away with a ‘small break’. Because it will keep coming back to you, worse and worse until it escalates into something so terrible you either end up in a horrible relationship, or a horrible break up. The relationships that keep bouncing on and off can’t work. The ones that ‘broke up a couple times and got back a couple times after’ won’t work. Think about it. Just think about it.

I probably sound like a douchebag to all of you who may be in this scenario, but I’m here to tell you that I’m not trying to spite you..I’m trying to help, whether you take this little advice or not. Be confident in what you want and be assertive for the things you want. Don’t settle. Always strive for something more. If you know that it’s bad for you, drop it. If you know it’s good for you, let it enrich your life. Don’t make excuses. Make decisions and stick to them. Because like you, I have been in this situation before and I know exactly how it feels. Sometimes, the bad things in a relationship are overcome by the good because you’re desperately trying to salvage this. But it’s the bad things, not the good, that make or break the relationship in the end.

Why Won’t He Commit to Me? [contains profanity]

Warning: This post is meant to be highly motivational but also highly criticizing. Read at your own discretion.

——————–

Well, this is actually pretty simple. You and boy meet. You like boy, boy maybe likes you. You want to see where you guys can go. You guys meet up and stuff, get to know each other a little more, and then when you think he’s definitely gonna ask you out, he disappears. You go what the fuck and try to find him while he’s trying to avoid you at all cost. Big question is why? This just makes him look like a huge douchebag who just wanted you to suck his dick. So what’s the real reason why he won’t commit?

There are two routes, aka two possible answers and two possible answers only: He doesn’t see you in the future when he really thought about it, or he has no idea what to do.

In the first case, this basically means he needs to take a step back from all the fun flirting and re-evaluate his position with you right now. Sure it’s all fun and games and hot steamy make outs (with maybe sex) and nothing but ponies and rainbows but maybe you have a quirk that he just can’t work with. And no, this isn’t your fault. Everyone has their quirks. But he just can’t stand yours. You can’t blame him, nor blame yourself. This simply says you two don’t really fit. That’s that. There’s no alternative, crazy mind-blowing extraterrestrial explanation for it. He’s all up for the fun and games but if he sees himself settling down some day in the future..he just doesn’t see you as his wife material. This isn’t saying you AREN’T wife material- I’m saying you’re not HIS. So how else are you going to stop the budding relationship from progressing further? Stop the flirting, stop the contact- stop the train before its brakes break and there’s no turning back unless you crash and burn. That’s a possible explanation for why he doesn’t want to commit to you. And I will tell you some things that will make that man come running back to you, or at least, at some point in his life, realize that DAMN, I totally missed out on this girl.

The second case is better news, yet also ridiculously stupid. And frustrating. But hey, at least there’s a faint ray of hope for you. When a guy likes a girl but has no idea what to do to progress further, they always somehow mess it up. It’s funny because their shyness and absolute blockheadedness cause us feminine creatures to foam at the mouth because of their drastic change in personality. It’s like yesterday he was just teasing you and being all physical with you and being extremely flirtatious saying you have eyes that sparkle like the waters of Capri that you can feel your heart in your mouth and then the next day he’s dead somewhere in the mountains of Mordor and nobody can find him. Why? Because he doesn’t know what the next step is. He has no clue how to make you his; basically he’s a fucking noob. And the girl gets the shit end of the stick because we have no idea what’s going on- and yes, admit it, we think of a gazillion scenarios why he didn’t return that text- is he with another girl? am i just his booty call? did his phone die? he’s just ignoring me because he just wanted action? is he still sleeping? did he pass out drunk? we had such a good time what happened? did he actually not like me at all? was i too fake? was i too blunt? are my boobs not big enough? Meanwhile, he’s literally sitting at home pacing in circles because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never asked a girl out before (or a girl like you before) and he doesn’t want to mess up and feel like a total idiot. If this is the case, you just have to give the boy some time, and GENTLY let him know it’s okay to ask you out.

Now, back to the topic: let’s assume you’re going through scenario one. How do you handle this?

This is a list of everything you need to do for yourself.

1. Be yourself. This is so simple yet the most important thing on the list. How do you expect someone will love you for who you are when you’re never who you really are? You can’t bend yourself to MAKE a person like you. Frankly, if you had to do that to catch someone’s attention, you already know deep down you can’t work this out with them. If you can’t be yourself, how do you expect them to be themselves? What happens if they fall for this fake you? How can you be like that for the rest of your life? It’s not even worth it, not even for one second. If they can’t accept you for who you really are, they forget it. Forget it, there is absolutely NO point in pursuing this any further. If they don’t like it, they can go suck it.

2. Be able to stand on your own two feet. Independence is SO key in a man’s checklist. Notice how I said man and not boy. If you’re all whiny and pouty and have no idea what to do after a problem and refuse to fight back, that already says a lot about you. You’re a quitter and you let life get the better of you. Nobody wants a loser, everybody wants a winner. Everybody will respect a winner. So you have to win. How do you win? You need to learn to fend for yourself. You have to stop relying on others, ESPECIALLY your partner. Your partner is not there as your life crutches, they’re there as your coach, your motivation, your goal. They are the ones that drive you to become independent because you know that in order to live in harmony, you need to be stable on your own first. We’re all human- that means we all mess up. But if he messes up, he needs to know that you won’t mess up because of him because you can stand on your own. And in the same sense of how you need him, he needs you too, so that when he falls, he knows that you will be able to pull him back up. As long as one stays standing, the foundation can always be repaired.

3. Realize your own worth. You can’t just sit back and cry because the man of your dreams crushed your hopes. I had that happen to me. And instead of running away, I faced it. I told it to his face. And he made me realize that I’m honestly so much better than this. I don’t need to wait around for him- he can’t just reserve me until he’s ready. No matter how hard I had fallen for him, no matter how much I loved him already, I needed to go. I needed to step away and take a look at the situation. He’s not coming back. I don’t NEED him to come back. I can be happy on my own. I can do this myself without him. I’ll prove him wrong my way. I forced myself to peel away from him as painful and absolutely crushing as it was, I had to do it all on my own. Because I’m better than this, I’m not some pathetic whiny little girl who relies on men to be boss in this world. So I stepped up my game. And guess what. He wanted me back so damn hard I had a hard time grasping that fact. I had actually given up on him that I wasn’t even able to take him back instantly. I had to think about it- and that made me realize that I WAS able to do things that I needed to do no matter how hard it was for me. Because I understood my own worth.

4. You’re better than him. And this is because you’re fucking better than him. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are, that automatically says he’s an asshole, and a pretentious fucker. Does he REALLY think he’s better than you? Don’t you relish the fact that you can absolutely crush him in your own way? Challenge him. Flaunt your own abilities. Because you don’t need a proud motherfucker in your life who can’t do anything else but gloat. All words and no action says he’s a pussy with dinky balls.

5. Be better, not bitter. There’s no use in crying over spilt milk. You want him to notice you? Get better in everything you do. Be driven to be successful. The human brain is an amazing thing. You CAN do ANYTHING if you REALLY wanted to. That’s right. He can ask you out. If he really wanted to. Be sassy and be able to back it up. Brains over makeup. At the end of the day, what really perks a man’s interest is your ability to have INTELLIGENT conversations with him. Or at least conversations where he can see that you’re intelligent.

6. Be realistic. Life’s a bitch, suck it up. What are you going to do? Self pity is the worst poison for yourself. Never self pity. That only gives you an excuse to be miserable and pathetic when all of that useless energy could be used to make yourself a better person. Nobody is going to like a pitiful person. It makes you look childish, and inexperienced in life. Life will constantly throw you shit and you can dodge them if you’re fast enough- but if it hits you, you have to learn to wipe it off and keep going at full speed. You can’t let it faze you like that. You will NEVER be able to win if you do.

7. He’s only worth it if he makes you a better person. Be honest. Just like being yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone else around you WHO MATTER. One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel. You can’t waste your time and energy with toxic people, worthless people, or people who make you feel like shit. WHY would you want to be with them? You cannot expect everyone in this world to understand what you’re thinking or even begin to know what you’re thinking. You can NEVER get anywhere in life if you hang around people who look down on you, who makes you feel useless, or make you feel like you’re worthless. You will forever be groping in the dark and in the abyss of life while the light is still at the end of the tunnel and you’re just refusing to go towards it. You’re not the only one in the world who has had shit happen to them. What will make you different is how you overcame it. If he doesn’t make you a better person, in any way, it’s so OBVIOUS that he’s of no value to you in your life that a blind man would be blinded from its obviousness. You won’t be able to make yourself better that’s for sure. And you would just be going down that ladder of life.

8. Your own happiness comes first. If you’re not happy, he won’t be happy to be with you. Simple as that.

 

This is not meant to offend ANYONE and I am sorry if I did. All I’m trying to do is share my thoughts on this issue of commitment- and it all boils down to one point: Be your own amazing person. A person who glows happiness and confidence will attract ANYONE. This is how you play the game of relationships.

How To Make a Man Want You 101

So recently, my good friend has been under some intense drama with another man. She’s been asking me some questions that were interesting so I thought I’d write them down here to share. Now again, my opinions are mine and mine alone, and are in no way the gospel of truth- only simply what I believe in from my own personal experiences as well as from watching others. The biggest desire she wanted was for this man to want her. I’ve touched upon this subject a lot, between wanting to see someone/not minding seeing someone. Want means you’re the first priority. Not minding means you’re not. Everybody wants to be somebody’s first priority. But the biggest question is how do you exactly play your cards right so that this guy, who you’ve always dreamed of dating and having a future with (but unfortunately he never had the intent to think the same about you before), wants you?

1. Don’t. Panic.

A man can easily sense a woman’s tension. And if he talks to you a lot, he will know when you’re acting different- and when you’re acting different it means something is up. Your tone, for example- your regular, normal conversation tone versus ‘I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING BIG’ tone, sets something off in the man if he senses it. If he senses you panicking, or squirmy, he WILL back off. A man cannot handle a girl in panic. Because he knows if her panicky state goes on, he WILL get swamped with emotions and as we all know, emotions aren’t a man’s forte. So he cools down, and stops the conversation before she can ask him anything in her panicky state. So what can you do? RELAX. BREATHE. Men aren’t aliens (as much as I want to disagree), they’re humans too. Play it cool, think of him as someone else. Playing it cool doesn’t mean being cold or overly nice, it means keeping your tone calm. Level headed. That’s the word- men love level-headed women. So whether you’re on the phone, or just texting, just go with the flow, and don’t even think about talking about the subject  you originally wanted to talk to him about- the less you impose, the more likely the chance to bring it up will happen.

2. Don’t be passive aggressive.

Not to put my friend on the spot, but there are several times when I see her being overly passive aggressive- meaning answering a comment with a question about why he doesn’t say something sweeter. You can’t really force the issue,  let alone force him to say something sweeter just to feel better. If he wanted to, he would have said it. The point is to GET him to that point where he wants to say it, and it’s definitely not by not-so-subtly hinting that he should do it on the spot. So don’t be passive aggressive. Instead, try to keep the conversation going- if he ends with a one worded answer like “awesome” or “cool”, change the subject. “So, what are you doing later?” If he answers without a ‘why?’ then you can probably leave the conversation for awhile. If he asks ‘why?’ then all you need to do is simply say “Nothing, just thinking if you had time you wanna grab dinner or something”. Doesn’t make you look desperate because you said ‘if you had time’ and you’re also giving him an answer without clouding your intent. Cool. Straightforward. Easy!

3. Be yourself.

It’s really hard to be yourself when you’re facing the guy you like. I know. So how? The first thing you need to do is realize your life doesn’t revolve around him. You have better things to do- dance, yoga, work, volunteer, whatever- and that YOUR life comes first. All he is is a person who you want to have in your life to enrich it. Not to be the reason of your existence. People come and go. And if this man is really the one you want, then you need to be able to let him go live his life while you live yours. His life shouldn’t revolve around you either. Relationships should be loving, enriching, but also something that makes you grow into a better person. He should be a man who makes you want to work harder for yourself, achieve a goal you never thought you could, be your motivation to strive for the best, all the while enjoying each others company and of course, enjoying love.

4. Be kind but be strict. Be flirty but put a line on it.

Show self control. If he doesn’t play by the rules, make sure you have your own rules to stick to when things get too much. A woman who makes decisions and sticks to them shows that she is mature and that she knows herself. A man would not have to worry about her because he knows insecurity is not on her list. That takes a burden off of him, which makes you more desirable. Be kind at heart, but  not manipulative. Don’t try to sway him to talk about what you want to talk about. Let conversations take their course. Be generous with this. You let him say his opinions while you say yours. If he can’t take it, or shows that he disrespects them, then you know you need to walk away. Relationships should be equal. Conversations should be friendly and light, and non-judgmental. Your man, whether boyfriend or husband, should always be your best friend, your confidant.

5. Don’t question his every move.

Guys are stupid. Guys are sneaky. Sometimes, he really just means what he says. Sometimes he says things to get some action. But if you’re constantly questioning his every move, how will you ever get to trust him when you guys are in a relationship? If you cannot accept his words for as they are, then that’s probably a sign to watch. What if he really did want to get some action? Well, he can’t unless you guys meet in person. See what he says. Does he ask you to meet at night only? Is he being overly physical? Is he putting pressure on you? Does he listen to you. That is key-because if for the night he completely avoided your questions, he most likely is wanting you in his pants. But if so, then you have your answer- he ain’t the guy you want, is he? Slap him. Walk away.

6. Be strong.

Slap him. Walk away. Show him you’re independent and you’re strong- and you’re not someone he can mess around with (anymore). You have your values, so STICK TO THEM. A guy should not change what you believe in, no matter how much you want him. If he crosses any of your boundaries, WALK AWAY. Show him you’re upset. Disappointed. Show him that he fucked up real good this time and this is the last straw. Tell him everything, everything on your mind- from how much you want him to how much of a douchebag he is, because it will be the last time you talk to him anyways. Be strong mentally because this is life. You have to face it head on and put yourself first before any of your impulses. Even if your heart wants him, there will always be someone else better. If he cannot even face you to talk about you two, how can you ever expect anything great out of the relationship? Look forward to the future. Stick to your decisions.