Warning: This post is meant to be highly motivational but also highly criticizing. Read at your own discretion.
Well, this is actually pretty simple. You and boy meet. You like boy, boy maybe likes you. You want to see where you guys can go. You guys meet up and stuff, get to know each other a little more, and then when you think he’s definitely gonna ask you out, he disappears. You go what the fuck and try to find him while he’s trying to avoid you at all cost. Big question is why? This just makes him look like a huge douchebag who just wanted you to suck his dick. So what’s the real reason why he won’t commit?
There are two routes, aka two possible answers and two possible answers only: He doesn’t see you in the future when he really thought about it, or he has no idea what to do.
In the first case, this basically means he needs to take a step back from all the fun flirting and re-evaluate his position with you right now. Sure it’s all fun and games and hot steamy make outs (with maybe sex) and nothing but ponies and rainbows but maybe you have a quirk that he just can’t work with. And no, this isn’t your fault. Everyone has their quirks. But he just can’t stand yours. You can’t blame him, nor blame yourself. This simply says you two don’t really fit. That’s that. There’s no alternative, crazy mind-blowing extraterrestrial explanation for it. He’s all up for the fun and games but if he sees himself settling down some day in the future..he just doesn’t see you as his wife material. This isn’t saying you AREN’T wife material- I’m saying you’re not HIS. So how else are you going to stop the budding relationship from progressing further? Stop the flirting, stop the contact- stop the train before its brakes break and there’s no turning back unless you crash and burn. That’s a possible explanation for why he doesn’t want to commit to you. And I will tell you some things that will make that man come running back to you, or at least, at some point in his life, realize that DAMN, I totally missed out on this girl.
The second case is better news, yet also ridiculously stupid. And frustrating. But hey, at least there’s a faint ray of hope for you. When a guy likes a girl but has no idea what to do to progress further, they always somehow mess it up. It’s funny because their shyness and absolute blockheadedness cause us feminine creatures to foam at the mouth because of their drastic change in personality. It’s like yesterday he was just teasing you and being all physical with you and being extremely flirtatious saying you have eyes that sparkle like the waters of Capri that you can feel your heart in your mouth and then the next day he’s dead somewhere in the mountains of Mordor and nobody can find him. Why? Because he doesn’t know what the next step is. He has no clue how to make you his; basically he’s a fucking noob. And the girl gets the shit end of the stick because we have no idea what’s going on- and yes, admit it, we think of a gazillion scenarios why he didn’t return that text- is he with another girl? am i just his booty call? did his phone die? he’s just ignoring me because he just wanted action? is he still sleeping? did he pass out drunk? we had such a good time what happened? did he actually not like me at all? was i too fake? was i too blunt? are my boobs not big enough? Meanwhile, he’s literally sitting at home pacing in circles because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never asked a girl out before (or a girl like you before) and he doesn’t want to mess up and feel like a total idiot. If this is the case, you just have to give the boy some time, and GENTLY let him know it’s okay to ask you out.
Now, back to the topic: let’s assume you’re going through scenario one. How do you handle this?
This is a list of everything you need to do for yourself.
1. Be yourself. This is so simple yet the most important thing on the list. How do you expect someone will love you for who you are when you’re never who you really are? You can’t bend yourself to MAKE a person like you. Frankly, if you had to do that to catch someone’s attention, you already know deep down you can’t work this out with them. If you can’t be yourself, how do you expect them to be themselves? What happens if they fall for this fake you? How can you be like that for the rest of your life? It’s not even worth it, not even for one second. If they can’t accept you for who you really are, they forget it. Forget it, there is absolutely NO point in pursuing this any further. If they don’t like it, they can go suck it.
2. Be able to stand on your own two feet. Independence is SO key in a man’s checklist. Notice how I said man and not boy. If you’re all whiny and pouty and have no idea what to do after a problem and refuse to fight back, that already says a lot about you. You’re a quitter and you let life get the better of you. Nobody wants a loser, everybody wants a winner. Everybody will respect a winner. So you have to win. How do you win? You need to learn to fend for yourself. You have to stop relying on others, ESPECIALLY your partner. Your partner is not there as your life crutches, they’re there as your coach, your motivation, your goal. They are the ones that drive you to become independent because you know that in order to live in harmony, you need to be stable on your own first. We’re all human- that means we all mess up. But if he messes up, he needs to know that you won’t mess up because of him because you can stand on your own. And in the same sense of how you need him, he needs you too, so that when he falls, he knows that you will be able to pull him back up. As long as one stays standing, the foundation can always be repaired.
3. Realize your own worth. You can’t just sit back and cry because the man of your dreams crushed your hopes. I had that happen to me. And instead of running away, I faced it. I told it to his face. And he made me realize that I’m honestly so much better than this. I don’t need to wait around for him- he can’t just reserve me until he’s ready. No matter how hard I had fallen for him, no matter how much I loved him already, I needed to go. I needed to step away and take a look at the situation. He’s not coming back. I don’t NEED him to come back. I can be happy on my own. I can do this myself without him. I’ll prove him wrong my way. I forced myself to peel away from him as painful and absolutely crushing as it was, I had to do it all on my own. Because I’m better than this, I’m not some pathetic whiny little girl who relies on men to be boss in this world. So I stepped up my game. And guess what. He wanted me back so damn hard I had a hard time grasping that fact. I had actually given up on him that I wasn’t even able to take him back instantly. I had to think about it- and that made me realize that I WAS able to do things that I needed to do no matter how hard it was for me. Because I understood my own worth.
4. You’re better than him. And this is because you’re fucking better than him. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are, that automatically says he’s an asshole, and a pretentious fucker. Does he REALLY think he’s better than you? Don’t you relish the fact that you can absolutely crush him in your own way? Challenge him. Flaunt your own abilities. Because you don’t need a proud motherfucker in your life who can’t do anything else but gloat. All words and no action says he’s a pussy with dinky balls.
5. Be better, not bitter. There’s no use in crying over spilt milk. You want him to notice you? Get better in everything you do. Be driven to be successful. The human brain is an amazing thing. You CAN do ANYTHING if you REALLY wanted to. That’s right. He can ask you out. If he really wanted to. Be sassy and be able to back it up. Brains over makeup. At the end of the day, what really perks a man’s interest is your ability to have INTELLIGENT conversations with him. Or at least conversations where he can see that you’re intelligent.
6. Be realistic. Life’s a bitch, suck it up. What are you going to do? Self pity is the worst poison for yourself. Never self pity. That only gives you an excuse to be miserable and pathetic when all of that useless energy could be used to make yourself a better person. Nobody is going to like a pitiful person. It makes you look childish, and inexperienced in life. Life will constantly throw you shit and you can dodge them if you’re fast enough- but if it hits you, you have to learn to wipe it off and keep going at full speed. You can’t let it faze you like that. You will NEVER be able to win if you do.
7. He’s only worth it if he makes you a better person. Be honest. Just like being yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone else around you WHO MATTER. One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel. You can’t waste your time and energy with toxic people, worthless people, or people who make you feel like shit. WHY would you want to be with them? You cannot expect everyone in this world to understand what you’re thinking or even begin to know what you’re thinking. You can NEVER get anywhere in life if you hang around people who look down on you, who makes you feel useless, or make you feel like you’re worthless. You will forever be groping in the dark and in the abyss of life while the light is still at the end of the tunnel and you’re just refusing to go towards it. You’re not the only one in the world who has had shit happen to them. What will make you different is how you overcame it. If he doesn’t make you a better person, in any way, it’s so OBVIOUS that he’s of no value to you in your life that a blind man would be blinded from its obviousness. You won’t be able to make yourself better that’s for sure. And you would just be going down that ladder of life.
8. Your own happiness comes first. If you’re not happy, he won’t be happy to be with you. Simple as that.
This is not meant to offend ANYONE and I am sorry if I did. All I’m trying to do is share my thoughts on this issue of commitment- and it all boils down to one point: Be your own amazing person. A person who glows happiness and confidence will attract ANYONE. This is how you play the game of relationships.