The Exes That Try To Be Friends

I think I’ve posted something along the lines of ‘can exes every be friends’ and I think, my conclusion came to a no. Everybody knows that. But, is there a slight possibility that against all odds amongst the heart breaking, the anger and frustration and the guilt that it’s still possible to be just friends? Friends who care about each other without yearning to be in a relationship, friends who accept they have history, accept they loved each other but just knows they can’t be together?

Well, I’m sort of in this rut. From the devoted (and maybe overly doting) girlfriend, back to my original, normal, tomboy sweats-allday-errday getup self. Now that I think about it, it’s quite terrifying to see how I had been pushed deeply to my feminine side when I was dating. Not that it’s a bad thing- I now have a great appreciation for sexy dressy outfits and shoes. (AREN’T YOU SO PROUD OF ME?) The man who dumped me though, I feel, has never experienced the wrath of a truly unforgiving woman. Which luckily, I am not. In fact, some people say I’m too forgiving and I’m being taken advantage of. Truth be told, that’s how I find it easier to remain friends with him.

Does this friendship work? Well, I know I still have feelings for him. But I also know I’ll never, ever get back together with him, as much as my heart wants to. This time, my brain is telling me that he isn’t worth it. Third time is NOT the charm with these things. There is no way someone has so little self respect that they let themselves fall for the same person 3 times. I at least respect myself enough not to let it happen. So when we talk, it’s fine. No, seriously. It’s pretty nonchalant. I treat him like I do my other male friends. I don’t seek him out actively. When things remind me of him, I smile, remembering, but I never let it make me sad. Although, I would not, again, actively seek out things that remind me of him. Funny thing was, he texted me today, and I told him I missed his super adorable dog, to which he replied saying how I can visit her (at his house mind you) whenever I wanted.

Um. Let’s rewind a bit. That’s a little insensitive, no?

I mean, I’m cool with being friends. But to push it isn’t cool. Is that an invitation to his house? He’s inviting me, the girl he broke up with, back to his house to see his dog. Let’s just leave it at that.

I think the real answer to this topic is it definitely relies on the breakup-ee. This person, assuming having done nothing wrong to cause the breakup, gains all the power they lost when they got dumped. They now hold the power to either be friends or not. And as a stranger on the internet, I give you my advice: don’t try to make them miserable. You’re better than that. Things can’t be forgotten, but they can be forgiven. And you have every right to feel angry and frustrated but just ask yourself if it is worth losing a friendship over something you know deep down wasn’t going to work anyways.

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On Breaking Promises

Everyone’s guilty of it. Everyone’s done it: breaking a promise. They may be extremely important, or extremely trivial. It irks everyone; you guys made plans and you get all excited about it and then — they flop. It’s simply disappointing, frustrating and most of all, annoying. Some promises aren’t meant to be broken, and those are the ones that you really need to think about before saying “I promise”. But, there are promises that had no choice but to be broken..And you can’t really blame people for sometimes breaking promises, I mean, life happens, and things may happen suddenly without warning. You can’t get mad over those.

So, what are some promises that shouldn’t be broken?

1. Dates.

I want to believe that dates mean something. Means two people are giving a chance at love with one another by getting to know one another, and to spend some time investing in that. I don’t believe that flopping on a pre-set date you both agreed on deserves a second chance- of course, unless a family member is in critical condition or something, or you suddenly got a stomach flu (still a shady response). Some of you probably don’t see dates as super important and that’s totally fine. The reason why they shouldn’t be broken is because it simply says : I’m not interested in you enough to do anything to see you.

2. Relationships.

You know what this means: effort. If you’re serious about the person, and you’re serious about the relationship, then put effort into it. Effort automatically equates to you really putting yourself out there to love and be loved and honestly, there’s a lot of respect for a person who puts effort in. You know they care about things that matter to them. You know that you matter to them. And if you want a serious relationship without putting in effort, you’ve already broken that promise of the relationship. It’ll go nowhere.

3. Your Engagement.

Pretty self explanatory, no? I mean, you gave the girl your heart. You invested in her. He loves you. And by saying yes, you’re invested in him too. Don’t suddenly start freaking out about how you now realize that maybe he isn’t who he really is. You had the entire time you were dating him to figure it out. If he’s not the one but still proposes, don’t say yes out of guilt. Because the guilt of breaking off the engagement is, probably, a lot worse. And if you’re the one that proposed, don’t you think it’d be a slap in your own face if you suddenly realize that after promising this lovely girl your life with her, you actually didn’t really wanna? This isn’t changing your clothes- this is changing your heart. Which proves to show, superficiality is never as important as what lies underneath.

4. Your marriage.

And the epilogue to the engagement, of course, is the exchange of vows. You vowed to someone you love for heaven’s sake. If you really loved them, nothing should change, even if fights happen. Children may happen, and old age may start to happen too- but you guys fell in love for a reason. You guys mutually agreed to live your lives together, through thick and thin (I hope)- but when the going really gets tough, you chicken out? As long as there’s life in you, fight for it. Fight for what you know you guys have. If you guys can’t even keep the promise of being together for as long as you’re able to, why promise it in the first place? Promises are your responsibilities. If you can’t handle all aspects of your responsibilities, don’t promise anything, especially on love.

5. Secrets.

People confided in you for a reason- they trust you. And when they ask you to not tell anyone (because really, we all need to tell someone), try not to. Gossip is juicy- but if you want to be a trustworthy person, you have to be able to keep a secret. Especially if it does not involve you personally. Some people may be horrible at keeping secrets- and if you’re one of them, just tell your friend that it’s probably not a good idea if they absolutely insist you cannot tell anyone. Don’t put yourself on the spot in the future- disclaim yourself if you know you burst out spontaneously. Be responsible. Your friend would probably respect that than having their trust in you broken.

 

What’s the difference between these promises and all the other ones that if broken, wouldn’t be as much as a cause for alarm?

You.

 

 

 

Things to Think About

Last night we were lazing in my room, both of us literally half asleep- it was about 11:30 pm and he had come over for a short visit after a few beers with his co-workers. I was dozing off for a bit until I saw him just lying there looking at my ceiling. I asked him what was wrong and he shook his head and said nothing, just thinking. He had the same thinking face from before. So I asked him what he was thinking about and he gave me an awkward smile/chuckle. “Nothing,” he said.

It’s strange how as we grow older the more we become paranoid. At that instant, I was thinking that he was thinking about us. Why did I think that he was thinking that? Perhaps it was because of the thinking face he had on. Or maybe it was because we were lying on my bed doing nothing and just lazing. It’s amazing how the lack of activities can make you think. What was he thinking about? I don’t think I’ll ever know. And that’s it- we will never know, we can only make educated guesses. You can’t know what a person’s thinking about because it’s a web of things, and maybe something totally unrelated in that web of thoughts affects the train of thought in something else. Have I confused you yet? Same.

If he was thinking about us, would it have been a good thought or a bad thought? Was he thinking “Man, I don’t think I can do this anymore”, or “Man, this is great”. I don’t think I’ll ever know. Or maybe he was thinking “My cleans are getting smoother”, or “IBM sucks”. Who knows. The best I can do is guess. So that leads me to my own train of thought: Why guess when the answer is right in front of you? Don’t guess. Take it as it comes.

“We’re on a small break”

How many of you have experienced this before? Taking a little “break” from the relationship. It’s like a breakup, but not really. Basically you guys decided that you’ve had enough of each other for the day and (maybe after an argument) break if off. A small pause, a small “hold on, let me get my shit together first and I’ll be right back” kind of break.

Well, I’m here to tell you no. No, small breaks aren’t feasible. Small breaks aren’t real breaks- and it sucks for one or the other person in the relationship to think that there is such a thing as a small break. My first relationship ever, took a ‘small break’. I honestly thought that it was just, you know, a temporary break. He said to me “maybe we should take a break”. And to me, that meant a little pause to gather our thoughts then get back together.

No.

The “maybe we should take a break” literally means “we need to breakup”. It’s just a nicer, albeit pussy, way of putting it. Oh yes, it’s true. Small breaks NEVER work. There is no such thing as small breaks. When I asked him, a few days later, whether we were still on hold, he told me “yeah.” Then I asked him when we would get back together. He then told me the truth.

I guess I was never fond of that phrase after, go figure. Of course it devastated me and it hit me so hard right then and there when I realized that shit, the small break literally meant break up. So when people throw around the use of “oh we’re on a break”, it kinda bugs me a little. Not because it’s silly, no, it’s because one of them is going to get hurt tremendously in the end, which is inevitable anyways. And to be weened into that stage is the worst. There is no such thing as a good breakup, unless both people ACTUALLY end up mutually agreeing that neither loves one another anymore, honestly. There is no such thing as a little break. It’s either in or out. You can’t be ‘sort of’ in a relationship. It’s like saying “I’m kind of divorced, but not really”. And if you think about it, it doesn’t make any sense.

So what’s the point of this? The point is that if you had to take a break from the relationship, you might as well break it off. It means that things don’t work well enough for the both of you to stay together through the rough patches without calling it quits. Just think about it- if you end up marrying each other, and the SAME problems arise, are you going to go through a “small break” again? What if you live together? How can you not see each other while on this “small break”? What happens to your children? The house?

So please, man up. Face it. Face the problem. Don’t run away with a ‘small break’. Because it will keep coming back to you, worse and worse until it escalates into something so terrible you either end up in a horrible relationship, or a horrible break up. The relationships that keep bouncing on and off can’t work. The ones that ‘broke up a couple times and got back a couple times after’ won’t work. Think about it. Just think about it.

I probably sound like a douchebag to all of you who may be in this scenario, but I’m here to tell you that I’m not trying to spite you..I’m trying to help, whether you take this little advice or not. Be confident in what you want and be assertive for the things you want. Don’t settle. Always strive for something more. If you know that it’s bad for you, drop it. If you know it’s good for you, let it enrich your life. Don’t make excuses. Make decisions and stick to them. Because like you, I have been in this situation before and I know exactly how it feels. Sometimes, the bad things in a relationship are overcome by the good because you’re desperately trying to salvage this. But it’s the bad things, not the good, that make or break the relationship in the end.

Why Won’t He Commit to Me? [contains profanity]

Warning: This post is meant to be highly motivational but also highly criticizing. Read at your own discretion.

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Well, this is actually pretty simple. You and boy meet. You like boy, boy maybe likes you. You want to see where you guys can go. You guys meet up and stuff, get to know each other a little more, and then when you think he’s definitely gonna ask you out, he disappears. You go what the fuck and try to find him while he’s trying to avoid you at all cost. Big question is why? This just makes him look like a huge douchebag who just wanted you to suck his dick. So what’s the real reason why he won’t commit?

There are two routes, aka two possible answers and two possible answers only: He doesn’t see you in the future when he really thought about it, or he has no idea what to do.

In the first case, this basically means he needs to take a step back from all the fun flirting and re-evaluate his position with you right now. Sure it’s all fun and games and hot steamy make outs (with maybe sex) and nothing but ponies and rainbows but maybe you have a quirk that he just can’t work with. And no, this isn’t your fault. Everyone has their quirks. But he just can’t stand yours. You can’t blame him, nor blame yourself. This simply says you two don’t really fit. That’s that. There’s no alternative, crazy mind-blowing extraterrestrial explanation for it. He’s all up for the fun and games but if he sees himself settling down some day in the future..he just doesn’t see you as his wife material. This isn’t saying you AREN’T wife material- I’m saying you’re not HIS. So how else are you going to stop the budding relationship from progressing further? Stop the flirting, stop the contact- stop the train before its brakes break and there’s no turning back unless you crash and burn. That’s a possible explanation for why he doesn’t want to commit to you. And I will tell you some things that will make that man come running back to you, or at least, at some point in his life, realize that DAMN, I totally missed out on this girl.

The second case is better news, yet also ridiculously stupid. And frustrating. But hey, at least there’s a faint ray of hope for you. When a guy likes a girl but has no idea what to do to progress further, they always somehow mess it up. It’s funny because their shyness and absolute blockheadedness cause us feminine creatures to foam at the mouth because of their drastic change in personality. It’s like yesterday he was just teasing you and being all physical with you and being extremely flirtatious saying you have eyes that sparkle like the waters of Capri that you can feel your heart in your mouth and then the next day he’s dead somewhere in the mountains of Mordor and nobody can find him. Why? Because he doesn’t know what the next step is. He has no clue how to make you his; basically he’s a fucking noob. And the girl gets the shit end of the stick because we have no idea what’s going on- and yes, admit it, we think of a gazillion scenarios why he didn’t return that text- is he with another girl? am i just his booty call? did his phone die? he’s just ignoring me because he just wanted action? is he still sleeping? did he pass out drunk? we had such a good time what happened? did he actually not like me at all? was i too fake? was i too blunt? are my boobs not big enough? Meanwhile, he’s literally sitting at home pacing in circles because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never asked a girl out before (or a girl like you before) and he doesn’t want to mess up and feel like a total idiot. If this is the case, you just have to give the boy some time, and GENTLY let him know it’s okay to ask you out.

Now, back to the topic: let’s assume you’re going through scenario one. How do you handle this?

This is a list of everything you need to do for yourself.

1. Be yourself. This is so simple yet the most important thing on the list. How do you expect someone will love you for who you are when you’re never who you really are? You can’t bend yourself to MAKE a person like you. Frankly, if you had to do that to catch someone’s attention, you already know deep down you can’t work this out with them. If you can’t be yourself, how do you expect them to be themselves? What happens if they fall for this fake you? How can you be like that for the rest of your life? It’s not even worth it, not even for one second. If they can’t accept you for who you really are, they forget it. Forget it, there is absolutely NO point in pursuing this any further. If they don’t like it, they can go suck it.

2. Be able to stand on your own two feet. Independence is SO key in a man’s checklist. Notice how I said man and not boy. If you’re all whiny and pouty and have no idea what to do after a problem and refuse to fight back, that already says a lot about you. You’re a quitter and you let life get the better of you. Nobody wants a loser, everybody wants a winner. Everybody will respect a winner. So you have to win. How do you win? You need to learn to fend for yourself. You have to stop relying on others, ESPECIALLY your partner. Your partner is not there as your life crutches, they’re there as your coach, your motivation, your goal. They are the ones that drive you to become independent because you know that in order to live in harmony, you need to be stable on your own first. We’re all human- that means we all mess up. But if he messes up, he needs to know that you won’t mess up because of him because you can stand on your own. And in the same sense of how you need him, he needs you too, so that when he falls, he knows that you will be able to pull him back up. As long as one stays standing, the foundation can always be repaired.

3. Realize your own worth. You can’t just sit back and cry because the man of your dreams crushed your hopes. I had that happen to me. And instead of running away, I faced it. I told it to his face. And he made me realize that I’m honestly so much better than this. I don’t need to wait around for him- he can’t just reserve me until he’s ready. No matter how hard I had fallen for him, no matter how much I loved him already, I needed to go. I needed to step away and take a look at the situation. He’s not coming back. I don’t NEED him to come back. I can be happy on my own. I can do this myself without him. I’ll prove him wrong my way. I forced myself to peel away from him as painful and absolutely crushing as it was, I had to do it all on my own. Because I’m better than this, I’m not some pathetic whiny little girl who relies on men to be boss in this world. So I stepped up my game. And guess what. He wanted me back so damn hard I had a hard time grasping that fact. I had actually given up on him that I wasn’t even able to take him back instantly. I had to think about it- and that made me realize that I WAS able to do things that I needed to do no matter how hard it was for me. Because I understood my own worth.

4. You’re better than him. And this is because you’re fucking better than him. If he doesn’t respect you for who you are, that automatically says he’s an asshole, and a pretentious fucker. Does he REALLY think he’s better than you? Don’t you relish the fact that you can absolutely crush him in your own way? Challenge him. Flaunt your own abilities. Because you don’t need a proud motherfucker in your life who can’t do anything else but gloat. All words and no action says he’s a pussy with dinky balls.

5. Be better, not bitter. There’s no use in crying over spilt milk. You want him to notice you? Get better in everything you do. Be driven to be successful. The human brain is an amazing thing. You CAN do ANYTHING if you REALLY wanted to. That’s right. He can ask you out. If he really wanted to. Be sassy and be able to back it up. Brains over makeup. At the end of the day, what really perks a man’s interest is your ability to have INTELLIGENT conversations with him. Or at least conversations where he can see that you’re intelligent.

6. Be realistic. Life’s a bitch, suck it up. What are you going to do? Self pity is the worst poison for yourself. Never self pity. That only gives you an excuse to be miserable and pathetic when all of that useless energy could be used to make yourself a better person. Nobody is going to like a pitiful person. It makes you look childish, and inexperienced in life. Life will constantly throw you shit and you can dodge them if you’re fast enough- but if it hits you, you have to learn to wipe it off and keep going at full speed. You can’t let it faze you like that. You will NEVER be able to win if you do.

7. He’s only worth it if he makes you a better person. Be honest. Just like being yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone else around you WHO MATTER. One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel. You can’t waste your time and energy with toxic people, worthless people, or people who make you feel like shit. WHY would you want to be with them? You cannot expect everyone in this world to understand what you’re thinking or even begin to know what you’re thinking. You can NEVER get anywhere in life if you hang around people who look down on you, who makes you feel useless, or make you feel like you’re worthless. You will forever be groping in the dark and in the abyss of life while the light is still at the end of the tunnel and you’re just refusing to go towards it. You’re not the only one in the world who has had shit happen to them. What will make you different is how you overcame it. If he doesn’t make you a better person, in any way, it’s so OBVIOUS that he’s of no value to you in your life that a blind man would be blinded from its obviousness. You won’t be able to make yourself better that’s for sure. And you would just be going down that ladder of life.

8. Your own happiness comes first. If you’re not happy, he won’t be happy to be with you. Simple as that.

 

This is not meant to offend ANYONE and I am sorry if I did. All I’m trying to do is share my thoughts on this issue of commitment- and it all boils down to one point: Be your own amazing person. A person who glows happiness and confidence will attract ANYONE. This is how you play the game of relationships.

How To Make a Man Want You 101

So recently, my good friend has been under some intense drama with another man. She’s been asking me some questions that were interesting so I thought I’d write them down here to share. Now again, my opinions are mine and mine alone, and are in no way the gospel of truth- only simply what I believe in from my own personal experiences as well as from watching others. The biggest desire she wanted was for this man to want her. I’ve touched upon this subject a lot, between wanting to see someone/not minding seeing someone. Want means you’re the first priority. Not minding means you’re not. Everybody wants to be somebody’s first priority. But the biggest question is how do you exactly play your cards right so that this guy, who you’ve always dreamed of dating and having a future with (but unfortunately he never had the intent to think the same about you before), wants you?

1. Don’t. Panic.

A man can easily sense a woman’s tension. And if he talks to you a lot, he will know when you’re acting different- and when you’re acting different it means something is up. Your tone, for example- your regular, normal conversation tone versus ‘I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING BIG’ tone, sets something off in the man if he senses it. If he senses you panicking, or squirmy, he WILL back off. A man cannot handle a girl in panic. Because he knows if her panicky state goes on, he WILL get swamped with emotions and as we all know, emotions aren’t a man’s forte. So he cools down, and stops the conversation before she can ask him anything in her panicky state. So what can you do? RELAX. BREATHE. Men aren’t aliens (as much as I want to disagree), they’re humans too. Play it cool, think of him as someone else. Playing it cool doesn’t mean being cold or overly nice, it means keeping your tone calm. Level headed. That’s the word- men love level-headed women. So whether you’re on the phone, or just texting, just go with the flow, and don’t even think about talking about the subject  you originally wanted to talk to him about- the less you impose, the more likely the chance to bring it up will happen.

2. Don’t be passive aggressive.

Not to put my friend on the spot, but there are several times when I see her being overly passive aggressive- meaning answering a comment with a question about why he doesn’t say something sweeter. You can’t really force the issue,  let alone force him to say something sweeter just to feel better. If he wanted to, he would have said it. The point is to GET him to that point where he wants to say it, and it’s definitely not by not-so-subtly hinting that he should do it on the spot. So don’t be passive aggressive. Instead, try to keep the conversation going- if he ends with a one worded answer like “awesome” or “cool”, change the subject. “So, what are you doing later?” If he answers without a ‘why?’ then you can probably leave the conversation for awhile. If he asks ‘why?’ then all you need to do is simply say “Nothing, just thinking if you had time you wanna grab dinner or something”. Doesn’t make you look desperate because you said ‘if you had time’ and you’re also giving him an answer without clouding your intent. Cool. Straightforward. Easy!

3. Be yourself.

It’s really hard to be yourself when you’re facing the guy you like. I know. So how? The first thing you need to do is realize your life doesn’t revolve around him. You have better things to do- dance, yoga, work, volunteer, whatever- and that YOUR life comes first. All he is is a person who you want to have in your life to enrich it. Not to be the reason of your existence. People come and go. And if this man is really the one you want, then you need to be able to let him go live his life while you live yours. His life shouldn’t revolve around you either. Relationships should be loving, enriching, but also something that makes you grow into a better person. He should be a man who makes you want to work harder for yourself, achieve a goal you never thought you could, be your motivation to strive for the best, all the while enjoying each others company and of course, enjoying love.

4. Be kind but be strict. Be flirty but put a line on it.

Show self control. If he doesn’t play by the rules, make sure you have your own rules to stick to when things get too much. A woman who makes decisions and sticks to them shows that she is mature and that she knows herself. A man would not have to worry about her because he knows insecurity is not on her list. That takes a burden off of him, which makes you more desirable. Be kind at heart, but  not manipulative. Don’t try to sway him to talk about what you want to talk about. Let conversations take their course. Be generous with this. You let him say his opinions while you say yours. If he can’t take it, or shows that he disrespects them, then you know you need to walk away. Relationships should be equal. Conversations should be friendly and light, and non-judgmental. Your man, whether boyfriend or husband, should always be your best friend, your confidant.

5. Don’t question his every move.

Guys are stupid. Guys are sneaky. Sometimes, he really just means what he says. Sometimes he says things to get some action. But if you’re constantly questioning his every move, how will you ever get to trust him when you guys are in a relationship? If you cannot accept his words for as they are, then that’s probably a sign to watch. What if he really did want to get some action? Well, he can’t unless you guys meet in person. See what he says. Does he ask you to meet at night only? Is he being overly physical? Is he putting pressure on you? Does he listen to you. That is key-because if for the night he completely avoided your questions, he most likely is wanting you in his pants. But if so, then you have your answer- he ain’t the guy you want, is he? Slap him. Walk away.

6. Be strong.

Slap him. Walk away. Show him you’re independent and you’re strong- and you’re not someone he can mess around with (anymore). You have your values, so STICK TO THEM. A guy should not change what you believe in, no matter how much you want him. If he crosses any of your boundaries, WALK AWAY. Show him you’re upset. Disappointed. Show him that he fucked up real good this time and this is the last straw. Tell him everything, everything on your mind- from how much you want him to how much of a douchebag he is, because it will be the last time you talk to him anyways. Be strong mentally because this is life. You have to face it head on and put yourself first before any of your impulses. Even if your heart wants him, there will always be someone else better. If he cannot even face you to talk about you two, how can you ever expect anything great out of the relationship? Look forward to the future. Stick to your decisions.

 

The #1 Thing Not To Do As A Girl:

I’ve touched on the subject of hypocrisy a couple times on my blog already. Me being one- I wouldn’t take my own advice for certain situations even though I know I should have. But recently I’ve been seeing (and experiencing) some of it from my parents, and it’s just not sitting well with me.

Remember how I was ranting earlier about how my mother expects my boyfriend to treat me like a crippled blind old woman who needs help to pay rent? Just the other day we were talking about one of my good friends who recently broke up. I told my mother the girl wasn’t a good fit for him anyways, and I was very glad he got out of it. She asked, “What was she like?” and I answered, “You know, the typical princessy type girls. She expected him to pay for everything, drive her everywhere, and wanted him to spoil her.” My mom immediately gave her look of disapproval. “Pft!” she said. “How can she do that? I mean, Patrick is still a student she can’t expect him to do so.”

Oho! What does that mean? Does she secretly agree with the girl? So what if Patrick wasn’t a student anymore? Would she have agreed? I will never know. But from the sounds of it, my mother was definitely implicating my relationship. Yes my boyfriend is working full time and no, he does not pay for me all the time. Yes my mother expects him to. No, I still cannot stop my skin from crawling from that disgusting thought.

You know, girls get the good stuff in the relationship. They get to be pampered, and treated like, well, princesses, if they’re lucky. It has occurred to me that we never treat our guys like princes. We don’t make their meals (assuming we’re not MARRIED, so hell, they can buy it or have their moms make it right?), we don’t treat them to nice dinners (that’s THEIR job), and we get to call the shots because if we don’t get our way, all we need to do is throw a tantrum or cry, and we got them wrapped around our little finger– I mean, uh..

So what the hell? It’s no wonder so many girls get dumped (and boys, for the matter that they’re just simply not as chivalrous as Ser Jorah /cue eyeroll) it’s because the definition of a girl IS a bitch. A girl is not a woman. A bitch is not a real woman (yet). And my point here today is to plead all you wonderful girls (and some stray women) out there: please just don’t be demanding. don’t, for the love of god, think that you deserve to be treated to every expensive dinner in the world by your knight in shining armour. if you’ve ever wondered why none of your relationships end in a happy ending, it’s probably because you expect too much without giving in return. I mean, if you were to date yourself- and you have a habit of having these expectations- wouldn’t you say you’d be tired too? It is absolutely necessary to have standards yes- but they cannot be standards that are only leaning towards your favour. If you are unable, or unwilling to return your standards to your man, then you know you have made them too high. In this unfair world, it’s an eye for an eye. The boys and men of our generation are becoming wary of girls and women like this. So if you have a heart, think about your man: because if he’s really someone you love, you would do anything to make their life more enjoyable and easier with you while facing the world and its problems together.

Why Is He Over Me? (So Fast..)

This is kind of embarrassing but I actually have weekly newsletters sent to my email from a relationship site that I signed up for couple years ago. I still haven’t unsubscribed and I still get their emails. It’s funny because I still read them; and I totally get what they’re saying. Their most recent one was about why it seems that men get over their failed relationships faster than women and I figured, why not share their wisdom?:

#1: Women are more emotional, men are more practical. Women feel , men think. Women prefer to judge their relationship with their hearts and how happy they feel in the relationship, whether being showered with attention or gifts, while men prefer taking each thing into consideration and seeing how they fit together. Which leads to the second point,

#2: It felt wrong vs. a solid reason. If the guy sees a solid reason why the relationship won’t work, that’s pretty much it. There is no point in trying to fix it because frankly, you can’t fix it. It’s like seeing a big hole in the basement of your 4 storey house- while the beautiful house itself is still functional, some day, sooner or later with time, it will fall, and when it falls, you get crushed with it. This is saying it’s hard to change a person. And everyone knows that. So what about the woman’s feelings, doesn’t she get a say? Well of course- but we women see things with our hearts if that made any sense. Our feelings flip flop- one day we’re confident something won’t happen, the next minute we’re crapping ourselves. That’s why it’s harder for us to get over someone- we keep going back to the ‘other side’ of our feelings and we question ourselves whereas the man takes it and leaves it.

#3: Talking as a solution vs. an actual solution. Just like the email said, talking for women IS the solution. We don’t actually need a tangible solution because “talking itself is therapeutic”. Men on the other hand, wants to see something happen, wants to see something done. He needs an actual solution which leaves him with only 2 options: yes or no.

#4: Communication styles. We’ve all heard this one before; women’s thoughts are dispersed in a very intricate web-like structure while men are…just left, right, up, or down. Men take things at face value generally speaking- and women love to overthink things, generally speaking. So when this happens…we get push and pulls every which way. He’s over you because that’s the way he’s wired to be: it’s either this way, or the other way. Women on the other hand are like: I know I ended it this way but what if it was supposed to be the other way? It becomes tedious, stressful and bluntly, annoying, when you confront an ex, who’s a male, like this.

 

If you’re suffering from this right now, just don’t take it personally. Everyone wants to protect their own interests; and it doesn’t mean that your man (or lady) didn’t care about you, nor loved you, it just means that they accepted that this is what it is and it is time to move on to find happiness for themselves. Doesn’t everyone deserve that? Things come to an end sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Every experience you ever had was something to take into consideration and to heart; because these experience make you who you are today.