you never really cared anyways

This morning I woke up heaving and almost in tears from the most heart wrenching dream ive had in months. Years probably. I was disoriented and then suddenly realized I was sleeping next to my boyfriend. So what the hell was that dream?

It was my house. I had walked down this tiny path to go to the backyard to grab a shovel or something. Suddenly I dreamed that his father, Terry walked down to cut across my path and go to the ravine situated beside my backyard. It was surreal, he was exactly as I had last seen him, some two years ago. He called out to me, same voice, same mannerism. I wanted to run, I should have run, I should have woken up. But in my dream I walked towards him and greeted him. Then his mother appeared. And then his brother. I can’t describe the feeling I got when I saw Sean. It was almost like, seeing an old dear friend after what seems like a life time. I hugged him. He hugged back. And I told him how much I missed him. He agreed and held my hand, leading me back into my house. Then I saw him. He saw Sean holding my hand and he had that look on his face, the same one I know that meant -what the hell is going on. He vocalized his concern upon seeing us, and I laughed, seeing his face and said

“You never really cared anyways”

But I couldn’t go into the house. Suddenly my heart burst and I wrenched my hand out of Sean and ran down the tiny path to my backyard again. I was in tears. My heart hurts. Everything hurts. What the fuck.

I looked behind me and saw Sean running towards me. Why was he running after me?

I never found out.