When You Can’t Let Go of the One Who’s Bad for You

Your heart’s in a million pieces, glued together carelessly and terribly. You can’t control these feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, and you think you’re okay because you’re angry- being angry helps. Being angry lets you feel more powerful, more competent. Being angry lets you feel you’re in control of yourself once again.

And then you turn into putty once he messages you, or simply snapschats or post something up on social media.

You start to cry, you start to reminisce and you start to feel weak and powerless and stupid again. He was everything to you and you gave, literally, everything to him. You thought this was going to be serious, a serious commitment, a serious relationship where just because a person cannot be your career advisor while she’s in school doesn’t mean this can’t work out. You gave him more chances than he should have received, and even though you gave up everything for him, he never gave up anything for you. He gave up objects and objectifiable things yes, but he never gave up what you gave up- emotions, feelings, happiness for a chance at you two. She believed that there could have been more happiness, like he promised. He promised they were going to be good. He couldn’t keep that promise for the second month in.

When you can’t let go of the one who’s bad for you, you feel like you’re drowning. In your own pool of sadness, that ridiculous, stupid, unneeded sadness. You know he never emotionally satisfied you, you know he never gave his heart to you. It doesn’t matter what a person is like- when a person truly falls in love and loves a person, love WILL make them do whatever it takes to keep that person. You will try so hard to make it work, because you love that person. You will never give up on a person because of a career goal. You will try to make that person work with your goal. You will never try to turn it against that person, nor guilt trip her, nor tell her that you want to be friends but never make an effort to remain so. You will not leave her hanging every single time she attempts to reach out, as friends. She will drift, drift away slowly, but surely.

When you can’t let go of the one who’s bad for you, you have to let go of the person who’s clinging on to the one who’s bad for you. Shed that person away. Shed your emotions, shed your efforts, shed your friendship. Because that someone who’s bad for you shouldn’t be your friend. And that person who’s clinging on cannot be your friend. Strip her away. Delete her. Rip her away from your heart, body, soul.

You will never remember her, and the one who was bad for her, again.

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