Distractions are everywhere. You try to distract yourself. You also gain a sense of anger. Regret creeps in. Not the kind of regret that the relationship happened, it’s the regret that you didn’t stand up for yourself earlier. Always the giver, never the taker. Well, except now you took the dump. School is back. There are subjects to study for, things to focus on. But that doesn’t mean for one second that the heart is okay.
There’s no crying. It’s dried up, even the reserves in the heart. It’s bled it all out and now there’s just emptiness. But you’re slowly moving on. Maybe a millimetre every day. Always reminding yourself it’s for the better.
The ones who get dumped are because either they’ve done everything wrong or they’ve done nothing wrong. Doing nothing means placidity. Ok with everything. Everything is with the flow. But you shouldn’t be like that. Being placid is not good. You need your own needs. And meet them. You need to have your own goals.
But I don’t have them yet. I’m still trying to figure out what I want with my life. I want to know what I want to do with myself. I want to be like others who know what their end goal is. I have no idea. My future is hung up in the air waiting for me to come pull it. I thought I was able to handle a relationship while figuring myself out. Is that fair? I gave everything into the relationship. Was that right? I put the person’s needs before mine, was that necessary? Is that love or is that channeling my unknown future worries into what I believed to be love?
5 days into the breakup and life just seems exactly the same as it was before, during, and after my relationship.