When He Pulled Away

My friend recently developed extremely strong feelings for a guy- and the guy reciprocated. But all of a sudden, when commitment came into the equation, he stepped back; how back, she doesn’t know. Thus begins the chase where there can only be one ending.

There are several reasons why a guy would back out from a hit-the-ground-running meeting where sparks fly and intimacy came naturally. One, he realizes things escalated too quickly. It could happen suddenly, where one day he would actually wake up from reality and realize that he met this girl a week ago and they already planned for a trip together. Whoa. So he pulls the reins abruptly and reorganizes his thoughts. He needs to think about what he’s doing. What he wants. Or, he actually really likes her but he has no idea how to proceed. Now what? They’re in the awkward friend zone- is she a clingy girl? Will she constantly invade his personal space and eat up all his personal time? Is he ready for commitment? If the answer is no, then he is probably wanting to cut you off for good. He knows where you stand but he is definitely not on the same platform as you yet. He has no idea what relationships are like, should be like, could be like. Or he has had bad relationships that lasted as long as a goldfish’s life. Either way, he doesn’t want to deal with you anymore because you became a bump in the road of his comfortable life. Sometimes though, it could also be because it’s not the right time and place to be in a relationship. He’s got a full time job but she’s still in school. He’s planning to move away for his career where she hasn’t even gotten her degree yet. How are they supposed to be together when their lives don’t match?

Now the question is, what are you supposed to do in this situation? How can you get him to notice you?

The answer is you can’t persuade him or force him to notice you. He needs to realize on his own.

What are you supposed to do then?

Be yourself.

There is an overwhelming urge to try to be the girl you think he wants. Trying not to be clingy, not to bother him all the time, trying not to look desperate. But you’re spending all this energy into pleasing him instead of yourself. The moment he will find you attractive if you really are his type is the moment you start loving yourself for who you are. Not giving a shit about what anybody thinks about you, not giving a shit about what HE thinks about you. Because you are worth more than this game, and if he chooses to waste his time playing mind games with you then he is not worth it.

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