Sex in your relationship.

This is a new sort of post for me- I’ve never really touched upon the subject of sex and don’t worry, there is nothing explicit in here. This is more of a muse if anything.

I hear the 3 things that define good relationships/marriages are money, children, and sex. I agree. But sex matters in both dating and marriage. And it makes me wonder what makes it such a strong factor. We’ve been taught that we shouldn’t have sex until marriage (or at least…that’s how I was raised /shiftyeyes) so if you were able to get through your relationship without sex, you’re golden. Throughout the years I have found that is totally wrong. Not that I’m advocating sex ASAP when you find a partner no- I mean that sex is integral in a good relationship. If you want to maintain it, and really get to know someone.

Because when you make your partner feel good, you feel good. And vice versa. You can tell from their actions, how they treat you- do they care about how you feel, and what you like? Do they tell you they like it? Or are they emotionless and boring, and just wanting to get without giving? Nothing feels better than being able to pleasure your partner. And not just sex- makeout sessions tell you so much. The way they hold you after, and the way they lounge with you after without the rush to clothe themselves again. This tells you they’re comfortable with you, and they’re not just having sex/making out for the fun or need of it. Falling asleep together is probably one of the happiest feelings.

And then we reach the problem of receiving BAD sex- even bad makeout sessions. Are you touching the right places? Are you too aggressive, too passive? Do you talk to each other or give some form of communication during sex? Is it awkward, do you feel too exposed? What if he is hurting you? Do you tell him to stop and ruin the moment? What if she isn’t really giving you any sensation? Do you tell her that she’s doing it wrong? Does their kiss leave you feeling like a wet dog? Do their hands chaff your body with no purpose? But it’s not right to break up for bad sex right. That’s so shallow. Sex isn’t everything.

Sex isn’t, but it’s a BIG part of it. Imagine marrying this person whom you have bad sex with. This is the sex you’ll be receiving for the rest of your marriage. You will never be satisfied or satisfy. Bad sex CAN be improved of course. They would just have to be open about it and talk about it. But what if they weren’t open about it? What if they don’t want to talk about it? What if one was lying, pretending the sex is good? Scared that it will hurt the other person, because they’ve already told them once and nothing’s changed, and nothing will? How can you leave someone because of sex?

Sex isn’t just about feeling good. It’s about knowing your partner literally, inside out. You know what they’re feeling and they know what you’re feeling. You can tell how they feel about you- do they kiss you like a chore or do they yearn every part of your body? You can tell. You can always tell.

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