Thought Catalog: Why I Can’t Stay Friends With The Girl Who Broke My Heart

Thought Catalog: Why I Can’t Stay Friends With The Girl Who Broke My Heart. http://www.google.com/newsstand/s/CAIiSENBRVNNSFJoWnpwbmIyOW5iR1V1WTI5dExESXdNRFU2Y21WaFpHVnlMMmwwWlcwdlpEVTRaalEwWm1KbVpXRXlPV1JtWWlnQSpkCAQiENQdjNmPALIE6YAJmOz4Qn4qTggAIhDUHYzZjwCyBOmACZjs-EJ-KjgICiIyQ0FFU0gyaDBkSEE2THk5MGFHOTFaMmgwWTJGMFlXeHZaeTVqYjIwdlptVmxaQzhvQUFQAVAB

Sometimes, it’s better to not know.

A love that consumes you but kills you

The comfort stage. The stage where nothing exciting happens. Same shit different day. But at one point in life, there was excitement. There was fiery passion and there was love. The days that go by quickly because of work ends with the three words that can fill a heart with joy. The days where you cannot wait to feel the warmth of their skin against yours and the hugs that surrounded you with happiness… Now but empty memories just months past.

Now it’s a chore. There is no need or the feel of want to connect anymore. It is simply a part of your life now. Mundane. Boring. Nothing of interest. Even annoying, to feel needed. Quietness ensues. Then silence.

The Love that once consumed becomes the love that kills. There is no out.

The Love Everyone Wants.

There she stood, dressed in her light blue tank top and leather jacket blazer, her hair draped over her eyes as the rain poured over both of your heads. She smiled, her eyes glistening with the rain and gave a soft chuckle, “just wait, it’ll pass.” But the rain didn’t stop, and just looking at her gave you the strongest urge to kiss her. She was the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen in your life and even standing in the wet and cold felt like heaven to you- because she was here, right beside you, and the look whenever you catch her looking at you gave you unspeakable chills down your spine and you feel the corners of your mouth lift uncontrollably into a smile. Your feelings for her cannot be put into words. You cannot stop looking at her and you couldn’t stop loving her. You would give the entire world for her. The way her face fit in your hands, the way she looks up into your eyes, the feel of her lips when you kiss her. You would tell her she is beautiful everyday. She made you feel so free and loved. She was your life.

“Promise me this is forever.”

You couldn’t have heard better music to your ears.

“I promise.”

A Tiffany & Co. present can’t be from anyone else.

As we all know, Tiffany & Co is the universal symbol of love and nothing is a greater sign of love and happiness from your significant other. You can’t beat it- it’s sparkly, it’s gorgeous, and it’s pant-ripping expensive. It is the ultimate present that your boyfriend gets you so don’t be fooled by any others trying to buy one for you- those don’t mean anything. Friends can’t buy friends Tiffany & Co- it’s just isn’t right. All those heart pendants, those key necklaces, those gorgeous rings- too awkward to buy for a friend. Even the ‘Mom’ pendant — what is THAT doing there?? What on earth is Tiffany & Co thinking, making a ‘Mom’ pendant? Yuck. They have to get rid of that. How do those even make revenue?

Of course, when it is your birthday, your boyfriend must be the one to buy you something from Tiffany & Co. It is the only acceptable present allowed. If he doesn’t pay for the entire present, he doesn’t love you, sorry hon. He simply couldn’t spend a minimum of $165 on you- that’s a shame. I mean if I was a newly full timer, I would totally spend all my money on objective presents and spending everything I’ve saved up on a potential partner. Not to mention my parents would totally agree that I am spending my money wisely. But hey who cares? At least now you’ve reeled this girl in good because you bought her a ring from Tiffany & Co that isn’t one of their engagement rings. And now her parents will expect you to keep buying Tiffany & Co presents, something of equivalent value or more, every birthday, every milestone for the rest of your life. God how I wish I could be living this life right now.

If your friends try to get you a Tiffany & Co ring, be careful- it isn’t coming from your boyfriend. It won’t have the same value- it’s not from your love. Your friends should buy you something else – a tshirt, or some more body lotion which you’ve already stockpiled because that’s what friends are good for. Your friends shouldn’t be getting you a Tiffany & Co present because it’s just way too weird. They’re not in love with you, why are they buying you something from Tiffany & Co?

Sorry all you single ladies. A Tiffany & Co present can’t be from anyone else but your boyfriend. If you want something from them, you better get one first.

Dear those who feel like they want to, or have given up:

I was studying until I suddenly realized, wow, I’m almost done school and it’s almost time to get a job. Literally, that was what happened just now.

Job. What the hell is my job going to be?? I got a boyfriend who’s 25, making some solid money with IBM and I’m almost 22, studying for physiology which I will never use after I’m done this course. Who knew 3.5 years makes such a difference?

But it isn’t school we need to worry about. It’s about what you’re going to do with yourself after. Are you studying what is needed for life? Are you giving up because it doesn’t matter? Every choice that we make, makes a huge impact on our future. Every choice- that includes the night you should have been studying but instead went out to get drunk- on a Thursday. Maybe that extra few hours was the deciding factor between pass or fail. And then you go on this spiral of self loathing ‘damn it self, why are you getting such bad grades?’ and depression. But you, young one, should know that academics will be the least of your problems.

It is what you’re doing right now that is going to bother you the most after school. Regrets are going to come back and haunt you- why didn’t I study harder? Why did I let myself borderline fail my third year? Even worse, why did I waste all my time in school giving up instead of trying to make up for it to make my future a little brighter? I will tell you, I have given up thousands of times over these past 5 years in school, both on school and co-op terms. I had told myself that I can never do well on my midterms no matter how much I studied, I can never contribute to my varsity team’s wins because I’m not good enough, that I am a disappointment to all of those around me, and that my boyfriend will one day realize that I am a complete mess of a person and that he deserves a more well-put, successful, beautiful girl.

But then, what have I ever done to try and change this? Nothing.

I gave up because it was easier than fighting back.

You are studying because you can. You are totally capable of being one of those nerds. And you are able to stand on your own and live a full, successful life. It starts with doing things for yourself. As much as you feel like you need people to help you along the way, you are the only one who can make the biggest change in yourself. You are a winner- you need to tap into that part of your psyche that says I am a boss.

So how did I tap into mine? Anger. Anger that I’ve let myself fall and instead of picking myself back up, laid there. Anger that people I know who are equally as intelligent as me have a very happy life without seeming to make much effort while I made myself have an unhappy life. Anger that I was so insecure and was always belittling myself. Anger that all it took to change my gears was a thought:

Am I really going to keep waiting for people to understand me? They don’t, and they don’t need to. I don’t give a shit about what people think of me anymore- that includes my friends, my boyfriend, anyone. As long as I know I am going down a morally right path, I will do whatever it takes for myself to succeed in life.

I’m back in the game, bitches.