How many of you have experienced this before? Taking a little “break” from the relationship. It’s like a breakup, but not really. Basically you guys decided that you’ve had enough of each other for the day and (maybe after an argument) break if off. A small pause, a small “hold on, let me get my shit together first and I’ll be right back” kind of break.
Well, I’m here to tell you no. No, small breaks aren’t feasible. Small breaks aren’t real breaks- and it sucks for one or the other person in the relationship to think that there is such a thing as a small break. My first relationship ever, took a ‘small break’. I honestly thought that it was just, you know, a temporary break. He said to me “maybe we should take a break”. And to me, that meant a little pause to gather our thoughts then get back together.
The “maybe we should take a break” literally means “we need to breakup”. It’s just a nicer, albeit pussy, way of putting it. Oh yes, it’s true. Small breaks NEVER work. There is no such thing as small breaks. When I asked him, a few days later, whether we were still on hold, he told me “yeah.” Then I asked him when we would get back together. He then told me the truth.
I guess I was never fond of that phrase after, go figure. Of course it devastated me and it hit me so hard right then and there when I realized that shit, the small break literally meant break up. So when people throw around the use of “oh we’re on a break”, it kinda bugs me a little. Not because it’s silly, no, it’s because one of them is going to get hurt tremendously in the end, which is inevitable anyways. And to be weened into that stage is the worst. There is no such thing as a good breakup, unless both people ACTUALLY end up mutually agreeing that neither loves one another anymore, honestly. There is no such thing as a little break. It’s either in or out. You can’t be ‘sort of’ in a relationship. It’s like saying “I’m kind of divorced, but not really”. And if you think about it, it doesn’t make any sense.
So what’s the point of this? The point is that if you had to take a break from the relationship, you might as well break it off. It means that things don’t work well enough for the both of you to stay together through the rough patches without calling it quits. Just think about it- if you end up marrying each other, and the SAME problems arise, are you going to go through a “small break” again? What if you live together? How can you not see each other while on this “small break”? What happens to your children? The house?
So please, man up. Face it. Face the problem. Don’t run away with a ‘small break’. Because it will keep coming back to you, worse and worse until it escalates into something so terrible you either end up in a horrible relationship, or a horrible break up. The relationships that keep bouncing on and off can’t work. The ones that ‘broke up a couple times and got back a couple times after’ won’t work. Think about it. Just think about it.
I probably sound like a douchebag to all of you who may be in this scenario, but I’m here to tell you that I’m not trying to spite you..I’m trying to help, whether you take this little advice or not. Be confident in what you want and be assertive for the things you want. Don’t settle. Always strive for something more. If you know that it’s bad for you, drop it. If you know it’s good for you, let it enrich your life. Don’t make excuses. Make decisions and stick to them. Because like you, I have been in this situation before and I know exactly how it feels. Sometimes, the bad things in a relationship are overcome by the good because you’re desperately trying to salvage this. But it’s the bad things, not the good, that make or break the relationship in the end.