How To Make a Man Want You 101

So recently, my good friend has been under some intense drama with another man. She’s been asking me some questions that were interesting so I thought I’d write them down here to share. Now again, my opinions are mine and mine alone, and are in no way the gospel of truth- only simply what I believe in from my own personal experiences as well as from watching others. The biggest desire she wanted was for this man to want her. I’ve touched upon this subject a lot, between wanting to see someone/not minding seeing someone. Want means you’re the first priority. Not minding means you’re not. Everybody wants to be somebody’s first priority. But the biggest question is how do you exactly play your cards right so that this guy, who you’ve always dreamed of dating and having a future with (but unfortunately he never had the intent to think the same about you before), wants you?

1. Don’t. Panic.

A man can easily sense a woman’s tension. And if he talks to you a lot, he will know when you’re acting different- and when you’re acting different it means something is up. Your tone, for example- your regular, normal conversation tone versus ‘I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING BIG’ tone, sets something off in the man if he senses it. If he senses you panicking, or squirmy, he WILL back off. A man cannot handle a girl in panic. Because he knows if her panicky state goes on, he WILL get swamped with emotions and as we all know, emotions aren’t a man’s forte. So he cools down, and stops the conversation before she can ask him anything in her panicky state. So what can you do? RELAX. BREATHE. Men aren’t aliens (as much as I want to disagree), they’re humans too. Play it cool, think of him as someone else. Playing it cool doesn’t mean being cold or overly nice, it means keeping your tone calm. Level headed. That’s the word- men love level-headed women. So whether you’re on the phone, or just texting, just go with the flow, and don’t even think about talking about the subject  you originally wanted to talk to him about- the less you impose, the more likely the chance to bring it up will happen.

2. Don’t be passive aggressive.

Not to put my friend on the spot, but there are several times when I see her being overly passive aggressive- meaning answering a comment with a question about why he doesn’t say something sweeter. You can’t really force the issue,  let alone force him to say something sweeter just to feel better. If he wanted to, he would have said it. The point is to GET him to that point where he wants to say it, and it’s definitely not by not-so-subtly hinting that he should do it on the spot. So don’t be passive aggressive. Instead, try to keep the conversation going- if he ends with a one worded answer like “awesome” or “cool”, change the subject. “So, what are you doing later?” If he answers without a ‘why?’ then you can probably leave the conversation for awhile. If he asks ‘why?’ then all you need to do is simply say “Nothing, just thinking if you had time you wanna grab dinner or something”. Doesn’t make you look desperate because you said ‘if you had time’ and you’re also giving him an answer without clouding your intent. Cool. Straightforward. Easy!

3. Be yourself.

It’s really hard to be yourself when you’re facing the guy you like. I know. So how? The first thing you need to do is realize your life doesn’t revolve around him. You have better things to do- dance, yoga, work, volunteer, whatever- and that YOUR life comes first. All he is is a person who you want to have in your life to enrich it. Not to be the reason of your existence. People come and go. And if this man is really the one you want, then you need to be able to let him go live his life while you live yours. His life shouldn’t revolve around you either. Relationships should be loving, enriching, but also something that makes you grow into a better person. He should be a man who makes you want to work harder for yourself, achieve a goal you never thought you could, be your motivation to strive for the best, all the while enjoying each others company and of course, enjoying love.

4. Be kind but be strict. Be flirty but put a line on it.

Show self control. If he doesn’t play by the rules, make sure you have your own rules to stick to when things get too much. A woman who makes decisions and sticks to them shows that she is mature and that she knows herself. A man would not have to worry about her because he knows insecurity is not on her list. That takes a burden off of him, which makes you more desirable. Be kind at heart, but  not manipulative. Don’t try to sway him to talk about what you want to talk about. Let conversations take their course. Be generous with this. You let him say his opinions while you say yours. If he can’t take it, or shows that he disrespects them, then you know you need to walk away. Relationships should be equal. Conversations should be friendly and light, and non-judgmental. Your man, whether boyfriend or husband, should always be your best friend, your confidant.

5. Don’t question his every move.

Guys are stupid. Guys are sneaky. Sometimes, he really just means what he says. Sometimes he says things to get some action. But if you’re constantly questioning his every move, how will you ever get to trust him when you guys are in a relationship? If you cannot accept his words for as they are, then that’s probably a sign to watch. What if he really did want to get some action? Well, he can’t unless you guys meet in person. See what he says. Does he ask you to meet at night only? Is he being overly physical? Is he putting pressure on you? Does he listen to you. That is key-because if for the night he completely avoided your questions, he most likely is wanting you in his pants. But if so, then you have your answer- he ain’t the guy you want, is he? Slap him. Walk away.

6. Be strong.

Slap him. Walk away. Show him you’re independent and you’re strong- and you’re not someone he can mess around with (anymore). You have your values, so STICK TO THEM. A guy should not change what you believe in, no matter how much you want him. If he crosses any of your boundaries, WALK AWAY. Show him you’re upset. Disappointed. Show him that he fucked up real good this time and this is the last straw. Tell him everything, everything on your mind- from how much you want him to how much of a douchebag he is, because it will be the last time you talk to him anyways. Be strong mentally because this is life. You have to face it head on and put yourself first before any of your impulses. Even if your heart wants him, there will always be someone else better. If he cannot even face you to talk about you two, how can you ever expect anything great out of the relationship? Look forward to the future. Stick to your decisions.

 

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