When should I accept a second chance? pt 2

We’ve talked about the insincere ones, but what about the sincere?

Just like how the insincere are not evil, bad people, the sincere ones are not gods or exemplar people. They are simply the ones that are worth a chance to you. Everyone has their own tastes: maybe you like a scraggy looking man or maybe you like the clumsy but kind woman. And nobody else has the right to tell you they are not right for you.

Sure, opinions matter. People outside the relationship will always be able to see the details that the ones in the relatinoship can’t, and vice versa. It is important to keep both party’s minds open and willing to see it from two sides.

here is story #2.

Something clicked with him the first time I saw him- don’t know what it was, but the vibe was there and it was very alluring. I found myself attracted instantly, and it scared me.

We never happened, as we were at different points in our lives- he was going to his junior year at university and I was literally finishing high school. We were so  young. Then I started dating the boy who never really loved me. We fell out of contact, the stranger and I.

When the boy dumped me a year later, we reconnected. We had an amazing time together and this was the second time I have ever this strongly to another. It was irrational, how strongly I felt towards him. I wanted all of him and I wanted us to happen, so goddamn badly. But alas. He wasn’t ready. He had confessed he shared my feelings as well and even though we were at the border of jumping into the relationship, we couldn’t reach it in time. Our progress sank back to where we started: just friends.

A year went by with me hanging on to the hope that one day we would still happen. I was in love with him, and I remember ed I told myself I will never look anywhere else because he was it. He was the one. And I knew something had to happen because we were unfinished business. Quite unfinished. Throughout the year, we talked, we flirted still. It gave me hope and it drove me crazy. I could barely concentrate in school. He rampaged my mind and I simply was unable to think of anything else.

And then we started drifting.. further and further apart. We lost contact. We hadn’t talked for almost half a year. Added on top of that, an old friend began to develop feelings for me. I was stuck in a rut.

He gave me one sentence that crushed my heart: “Maybe you should go try something out with him”

I waited over a year and this, this was how he dismissed me? Without even giving me an answer?

So I did. I ‘tried something out’ with my old friend. And my god was it great. But in the back of my mind that wasn’t enough. In the back of my mind, my business was still unfinished and I knew I still wanted us to happen regardless of how happy I was at the moment. I was doomed forever to be unhappy until I had closure, whether it ends up as a relationship or forever strangers.

Was sacrificing my current happiness the right decision for  a future happiness that I don’t even know will work for sure?

When somebody who made a mistake comes to ask for you back, the first thing that runs through your mind is: why?

Aside from the fact that he was an extremely goal-oriented and career driven young man, he was also a very devoted person. Anything he deems worthy and valuable he will hold on to. You may be thinking “well, do you mean that you were unworthy and not valuable to him before?”. Sure. That probably was true. But why would I be otherwise if I was not a priority? Priorities set you straight. You have to have  a direction in life before you start anything else. And I finally understood that.

No, I have no completely forgotten about it and I have not completely forgiven him either but I have pardoned it. He made a mistake but he was very honest with me earlier on and warned me not to put everything into it yet because he was not ready. That was what made me think. He had been honest with me. And he made a mistake, but his mistake was not because he was dishonest and wanted me back for the wrong reasons- he was regretful that he was reluctant to share his daily life experiences with me. He regretted pushing me away earlier. He regretted not trusting me. And he told me his only intention was to let me in, should I still want to.

As bad as it looked I knew something had to be done. After all this time he never wanted to share his life with me. Now he does? These things are always so sketchy. How was I supposed to react to this? The man I had always wanted but let me go now wants exactly what I wanted before. We were like on a see-saw; we were never parallel except for a brief moment.

And you know what I did? I left my current happy relationship to pursue this one again. To some, I look like a two-timing, indecisive, daughter of a bitch but guess what? I don’t care. It was time to stop letting people control me when I have been able to control my own relationships. I have come to realize that people will do whatever it took to make themselves happy, even if it meant destroying another’s. It was not to spite them. It was not because I never held any feelings for my old friend, I honestly did; but at the end of the day, he was not the one I wanted for my future. And I realized that many breakups happen because of this reason. Think about it. It all comes back to this: who do I see in my future?

Afterall, this is a world where you better look after yourself first- otherwise you’re going to be shit on day after day after day. It was definitely time to step it up and let everyone know you are not going to be passive anymore.

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