There are only 2 types of people who ask for a second chance: Those who are sincere and those who aren’t.
How can you tell?
Let’s start off with the insincere one.
Now the word insincere is tricky. It does not make the person a bad person. They’re not evil, they’re not rotten (although perhaps there might be the sad, rare occasion that they are). They’re simply not the right material for you. They want you for the wrong reasons.
I promised to write a story the other day- here it is.
This happened about two and a half years ago. A month ago then, I had just realized my boyfriend had unfinished business with my friend. He still had feelings for her. He told me that he wasn’t even sure if he had loved me in the slightest since we started dating, a year ago then. He told me that the only girl he had ever (in his words, “probably”,) loved was his high school crush. Whom he had never even had a relationship with.
I wasn’t expecting him to promise me we’d be together forever and ever or any shit that ridiculous, but surely he should have realized this sooner? To tell me that he never held any true feelings for me hurt me, after all that time. And to top it off, I had to be the one to approach the topic: what would have happened if I didn’t? For all I know, I could still be dating him now.
We had broken up, after I gave the relationship a final try- I told him I have put my heart out on the table and whether he wants to take it or not is his choice. He didn’t.
So I was mopey. I was sad. I got into that stupid heartbreak phase. And when he texted me a few weeks later to watch a movie with me, it didn’t even occur to me that if I said yes, that would make me look like I was dying to go back to him. Well, I did. We went. What happened was we didn’t even get to finish the movie because my mother found out I sneaked out with him and was not impressed with him at all-she demanded I leave instantly. When I left, he didn’t even try to stop me. He was probably too scared of my mother (hell hath no fury like a mother scorned).
What could have been worse than that? We were both invited to a friend’s birthday. I saw him again, a little after this incident. But the worst part? We somehow ended up alone. And we somehow ended up in a kiss. I don’t know about you, but I take kisses seriously. He, clearly, didn’t. He apologized to me instead. Who apologizes after a kiss? That hurt.
So I put my foot down- that was it. He doesn’t love me, and he never will. I decided it was time to grow up and see it as it is; anything I do was not going to change his heart or mind. Instead, I should have been putting my efforts into something that didn’t waste my time. That was when I reconnected with an old flame, and things couldn’t have been more clearer. My ex was not the right person to be with. There was no future with us. Let him go, and live my life as the kind of person I want to be. I no longer begged to talk to him to see him. I directed my efforts into people that were worth it.
Guess what happened next?
He begged me to give him a second chance. He told me that he had cleared up his unfinished business with my friend. He told me that he loves me.
You probably can guess what happened next.
So when should you accept a second chance? By the sounds of it, it seems like no second chance is worth it. To me, a second chance means a second chance to make things right, not a second go at a relationship. What I am talking about is consider giving a second chance to lost connections from the past which never had their chance to blossom into a relationship. Those are what are worth giving second chances too: because something dragged you two back together without a past history that may still have its threads attached.