what would you do…

“what would you do if i got into an accident and could never walk again?”

“…”

silence. it was more brutal than the answer itself.

he didn’t know. nor should he. it is a very frightening thought: to have yourself bound to a person whilst you are still young and, theoretically, free. dating is such a broad term. nowadays it could mean going out on a couple random outings or in a “serious” relationship for over a week. or month. or few months.

but words have been exchanged, the dreaded three words that either make your heart pump wildly or crumple it like a wrapper. and if they were truly meant in all honesty, there would have been no silence to the scenario.

why?

there could have been two reasons. one, he was too scared to answer because the question was so shocking and scary. or two, he did not answer because he could not lie anymore.

i don’t think i’ve really loved you.

after a year of dating (in my terms) he finally decides to tell me that he never really wanted to put effort into us.

people lie to avoid complications. but the truth is, the longer you put off the lie, the worse the outcome will be. you are alive. and as long as you keep living, one day, it will end. why put up with something that you are not happy with? why torture the other person when there simply cannot be anything between the two of you?

but on the other hand, it wasn’t like they never cared about you, if they lied to protect your feelings. ah, and there’s the rub. what should be done?

you may say being honest is best, even if it hurts. morally correct.

but the truth is nobody could say it when it happens, and will always put it off for another day. I will tell them tomorrow they think. and then put off. put off. put off. by then, a week has passed. month. year.

finally, the innocent party decides to confront you. and you finally manage to ooze it out as carefully as you could, wincing, as if you were getting stung in the process. you hate to do it, because it makes you look like the bad guy, when your intentions weren’t to hurt them purposely. alas, that is what you made yourself look like.

if you do not know what you want, do not drag other people into your personal life. you will both get hurt. and even though getting hurt is part of the process of growing up, bad decisions will haunt you forever. they will always be at the back of your mind whenever you approach someone else. and you will find it hard to shake it off and tell yourself this time, it’s going to be different. this time i know what i’m doing. i know what i want.

do you?

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