It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday.

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The 5 Things Girls Absolutely Love (If you do this)

  1. When you pick us up. No, not in a car. I mean, literally, pick us up in your arms. It doesn’t matter how skinny or jacked you are (chances are, you’re still going to be stronger than us simply because you’re men), we love it when you swing us around. We also love it when you grab us by our waist and swing us underneath you to continue, well, making out. It makes us feel feminine and that’s how we should be feeling!
  2. When you’re spontaneous. Sending a random text to us while we’re working (or in class) brightens up our day..for the rest of the day. We’re really that simple to please.
  3. When you cook with us. I know not all girls cook so perhaps this may not relate to you (if you’re a girl and you don’t cook…get on that!!) but even if you guys aren’t big on cooking, try it. It’s honestly fun and it brings you two closer together. Make a new recipe. Try baking. Got into a fight? Make up by cooking something delicious together.
  4. When you hold our face in your hands. Right then and there, we know you really love us. And there’s nothing more sexier when you look at us in our eyes too.
  5. When you occasionally flaunt us in public. I don’t mean ripping our shirts off to let everyone see our bodies. I mean when you hold us by the waist while walking, kissing us on the side of our forehead, or even just holding our hands tightly; it’s telling us we’re yours and we wouldn’t want it any other way.

For the Guys: Do having things in common make or break?

my boyfriend and i had a little talk yesterday and it came up that he was very bugged by the fact that he and i did not have as much in common than my ex and i.

if you have read my story earlier, you would know i had chose him over my ex, even when there was no reason to break it off with him besides the fact that i wanted my current boyfriend over him. [ugh i feel sick writing this post but it must be done]

you know guys, if a girl chooses you over another guy, you must mean the whole fucking world to her. she did not blindly make this decision for fun; you probably wouldn’t even begin to understand how hard it was for her to break off something that was going so well just for you, so that she could have something even better. she was willing to take this leap of faith to a whole new level- and i mean a lebron fucking  james leap- with you. maybe you guys are different. maybe you guys are similar. but you know what they say, opposites attract. do they really?

so at the end of the day it makes me feel like, uhm, why’d she choose me again?

he said that when he brought up the fact that the two of us did not have as much in common as my ex and i. and it just felt like he was questioning himself and he was starting to regret asking me back.

so the question i have for you guys (or gals, if you want) is can a relationship be good if the two had minimal common interests? i would say we have about 3 things in common: sports, food, and enjoying each other’s company. aside from that, our music taste is different (he has a go-to chick for that..they share almost everything with each other on music), our careers are different, our personalities contrast a lot at times.

help me out here?

how did I end u…

how did I end up hurting you?

you are nice, you are kind, and you are generous. you never have the intention to hurt anyone’s feelings and everything you do (or have done) is appropriate. you are not a cruel person. people usually like you.

but you’re watching them cry and there is this deep sadness in you, almost helplessness. you want them to stop, because you have no idea what to do. what did you say? what did you do? what do you say and what do you do now?

these things happen. you know, it just happens. and when it happens it’s almost surreal, like you’re not even in reality at the moment. you’re lost in your bubble of air and muffled sobs while your mind freezes, like a slow computer. you’re looking at them crying, hands extended (how did they get there?) in an attempt to stop them from crying their grey matter and axons out.

people always underestimate break-ups. especially those who have never gone through one before (bless your soul that you don’t when you’re older), who think it’s simple- let go and move on, a break up is a break up. i can look at a couple and say ‘nope, they’re breaking up’. but that’s my own superficial belief. what do i know about them? what do i know about their history, their connections, their memories? what do i know about their problems, how bad they are, or even how good their make ups are? i don’t know.

i have had my fair share of being hurt and hurting. i had this belief, this, moral, that i will never hurt someone. that i will always be the one to take the blame and be the victim. don’t ask me why, maybe i’m secretly a masochist. and each and every time that i got the blunt end of the stick, i grew less and less tolerant. i started to zone out, i even started to build immunity to it. i have always believed in loving to the fullest, but how was i supposed to when others don’t believe in the same thing? i became skeptical, and even a hypocrite. when my friends ask me on the occasion for advice, i give them what is the most honourable choice and decision. but i knew not even i followed my own advice, as much as i wish i could. not meaning to sound super dramatic or cheesy, but walls do get built, and it’s very, very hard to break down after.

maybe that’s why i ended up hurting instead of being hurt, after some time. my heart (and brain) finally decided together that it was time to do the parting, instead of waiting it out for the other party to do it first. i thought it was bad, getting the ‘dumped’ part but i have found doing the dump-ING was actually, in a way, a lot worse. Guilt rides you like bacteria- it never goes away no matter how many times you temporarily wash it away, it will always somehow (goddamn those bacteria) get back on you.

hurting someone doesn’t have to be purposely; in fact, everyone would agree they’re usually inadvertently. nobody wants to be a douche (unless you’re naturally one, then i can’t really say anything), and nobody wants to be hated. but when it comes down to it, things have to be done, whether in a good way or bad. fight for what you believe in. fight for yourself first, fight for what you know is best for you; they’ll understand. if they don’t, just remember this phrase, a wise young man once told me: “screw what others think and go with your heart.”

are you happy?

It could be a question you’re asking yourself, or a question your S.O. is asking you. It could also be a question your friend or family member or past lover is asking. It doesn’t matter who is asking it: as long as you answer it honestly.

What is happiness? It’s just like love, it’s an emotion; how do you know if you’re happy? You don’t feel stressed. You’re calm. You feel like you can tackle anything.

Happiness doesn’t mean smiling. It doesn’t mean being all sunshine and giddy and laughable. It’s contentedness. It’s feeling successful. It’s feeling fulfilled. Happiness is knowing you’re okay. Knowing you’re in this world for a reason and nothing can stand in your way permanently. You are confident.

The ones who smile without a reason are the ones who think nobody can understand them. They have an idea in their head that to fake a smile means being strong. Strength doesn’t mean masking your pain. Smiling doesn’t make you strong. It is supposed to be a motion of happiness. So if you’re not happy, why smile? This doesn’t mean to spew out your problems and be a negative nancy. But if you’re sad, do something about it.

If you were angry what do you do to calm yourself down? Do you let it all out? Do you talk to someone? Do you wallow in it? Do you do something about it? Then why not if you were not happy?

Actions do speak louder than words. You don’t need to announce it. But you don’t need to hide it. As long as you’re willing to do something about it, happiness will ensue. Happiness is figuring out your problems and knowing you did something about it. Because the opposite of happiness isn’t sadness: it’s regret.

When should I accept a second chance? pt 2

We’ve talked about the insincere ones, but what about the sincere?

Just like how the insincere are not evil, bad people, the sincere ones are not gods or exemplar people. They are simply the ones that are worth a chance to you. Everyone has their own tastes: maybe you like a scraggy looking man or maybe you like the clumsy but kind woman. And nobody else has the right to tell you they are not right for you.

Sure, opinions matter. People outside the relationship will always be able to see the details that the ones in the relatinoship can’t, and vice versa. It is important to keep both party’s minds open and willing to see it from two sides.

here is story #2.

Something clicked with him the first time I saw him- don’t know what it was, but the vibe was there and it was very alluring. I found myself attracted instantly, and it scared me.

We never happened, as we were at different points in our lives- he was going to his junior year at university and I was literally finishing high school. We were so  young. Then I started dating the boy who never really loved me. We fell out of contact, the stranger and I.

When the boy dumped me a year later, we reconnected. We had an amazing time together and this was the second time I have ever this strongly to another. It was irrational, how strongly I felt towards him. I wanted all of him and I wanted us to happen, so goddamn badly. But alas. He wasn’t ready. He had confessed he shared my feelings as well and even though we were at the border of jumping into the relationship, we couldn’t reach it in time. Our progress sank back to where we started: just friends.

A year went by with me hanging on to the hope that one day we would still happen. I was in love with him, and I remember ed I told myself I will never look anywhere else because he was it. He was the one. And I knew something had to happen because we were unfinished business. Quite unfinished. Throughout the year, we talked, we flirted still. It gave me hope and it drove me crazy. I could barely concentrate in school. He rampaged my mind and I simply was unable to think of anything else.

And then we started drifting.. further and further apart. We lost contact. We hadn’t talked for almost half a year. Added on top of that, an old friend began to develop feelings for me. I was stuck in a rut.

He gave me one sentence that crushed my heart: “Maybe you should go try something out with him”

I waited over a year and this, this was how he dismissed me? Without even giving me an answer?

So I did. I ‘tried something out’ with my old friend. And my god was it great. But in the back of my mind that wasn’t enough. In the back of my mind, my business was still unfinished and I knew I still wanted us to happen regardless of how happy I was at the moment. I was doomed forever to be unhappy until I had closure, whether it ends up as a relationship or forever strangers.

Was sacrificing my current happiness the right decision for  a future happiness that I don’t even know will work for sure?

When somebody who made a mistake comes to ask for you back, the first thing that runs through your mind is: why?

Aside from the fact that he was an extremely goal-oriented and career driven young man, he was also a very devoted person. Anything he deems worthy and valuable he will hold on to. You may be thinking “well, do you mean that you were unworthy and not valuable to him before?”. Sure. That probably was true. But why would I be otherwise if I was not a priority? Priorities set you straight. You have to have  a direction in life before you start anything else. And I finally understood that.

No, I have no completely forgotten about it and I have not completely forgiven him either but I have pardoned it. He made a mistake but he was very honest with me earlier on and warned me not to put everything into it yet because he was not ready. That was what made me think. He had been honest with me. And he made a mistake, but his mistake was not because he was dishonest and wanted me back for the wrong reasons- he was regretful that he was reluctant to share his daily life experiences with me. He regretted pushing me away earlier. He regretted not trusting me. And he told me his only intention was to let me in, should I still want to.

As bad as it looked I knew something had to be done. After all this time he never wanted to share his life with me. Now he does? These things are always so sketchy. How was I supposed to react to this? The man I had always wanted but let me go now wants exactly what I wanted before. We were like on a see-saw; we were never parallel except for a brief moment.

And you know what I did? I left my current happy relationship to pursue this one again. To some, I look like a two-timing, indecisive, daughter of a bitch but guess what? I don’t care. It was time to stop letting people control me when I have been able to control my own relationships. I have come to realize that people will do whatever it took to make themselves happy, even if it meant destroying another’s. It was not to spite them. It was not because I never held any feelings for my old friend, I honestly did; but at the end of the day, he was not the one I wanted for my future. And I realized that many breakups happen because of this reason. Think about it. It all comes back to this: who do I see in my future?

Afterall, this is a world where you better look after yourself first- otherwise you’re going to be shit on day after day after day. It was definitely time to step it up and let everyone know you are not going to be passive anymore.

When Should I Accept A Second Chance? Pt 1

There are only 2 types of people who ask for a second chance: Those who are sincere and those who aren’t.

How can you tell?

Let’s start off with the insincere one.

Now the word insincere is tricky. It does not make the person a bad person. They’re not evil, they’re not rotten (although perhaps there might be the sad, rare occasion that they are). They’re simply not the right material for you. They want you for the wrong reasons.

I promised to write a story the other day- here it is.

This happened about two and a half years ago. A month ago then, I had just realized my boyfriend had unfinished business with my friend. He still had feelings for her. He told me that he wasn’t even sure if he had loved me in the slightest since we started dating, a year ago then. He told me that the only girl he had ever (in his words, “probably”,) loved was his high school crush. Whom he had never even had a relationship with. 

I wasn’t expecting him to promise me we’d be together forever and ever or any shit that ridiculous, but surely he should have realized this sooner? To tell me that he never held any true feelings for me hurt me, after all that time. And to top it off, I had to be the one to approach the topic: what would have happened if I didn’t? For all I know, I could still be dating him now.

 We had broken up, after I gave the relationship a final try- I told him I have put my heart out on the table and whether he wants to take it or not is his choice. He didn’t.

So I was mopey. I was sad. I got into that stupid heartbreak phase. And when he texted me a few weeks later to watch a movie with me, it didn’t even occur to me that if I said yes, that would make me look like I was dying to go back to him. Well, I did. We went. What happened was we didn’t even get to finish the movie because my mother found out I sneaked out with him and was not impressed with him at all-she demanded I leave instantly. When I left, he didn’t even try to stop me. He was probably too scared of my mother (hell hath no fury like a mother scorned). 

What could have been worse than that? We were both invited to a friend’s birthday. I saw him again, a little after this incident. But the worst part? We somehow ended up alone. And we somehow ended up in a kiss. I don’t know about you, but I take kisses seriously. He, clearly, didn’t. He apologized to me instead. Who apologizes after a kiss? That hurt.

 So I put my foot down- that was it. He doesn’t love me, and he never will. I decided it was time to grow up and see it as it is; anything I do was not going to change his heart or mind. Instead, I should have been putting my efforts into something that didn’t waste my time. That was when I reconnected with an old flame, and things couldn’t have been more clearer. My ex was not the right person to be with. There was no future with us. Let him go, and live my life as the kind of person I want to be. I no longer begged to talk to him to see him. I directed my efforts into people that were worth it.  

Guess what happened next?

He begged me to give him a second chance. He told me that he had cleared up his unfinished business with my friend. He told me that he loves me.

You probably can guess what happened next.

So when should you accept a second chance? By the sounds of it, it seems like no second chance is worth it. To me, a second chance means a second chance to make things right, not a second go at a relationship. What I am talking about is consider giving a second chance to lost connections from the past which never had their chance to blossom into a relationship. Those are what are worth giving second chances too: because something dragged you two back together without a past history that may still have its threads attached.   

 

i’ve made a mis…

i’ve made a mistake letting you go.

it got your attention. they’re finally admitting it. after awhile.

now what?

they think the world changes just by admitting something they’ve done wrong. they think that by stepping it down a notch, it was worth the punch to their pride in order to get your attention back.

whether it is a plea for their desperation or a a truly heartfelt apology, the mistake was done. whether you wish to forgive or not is your own decision. you hold every right to give them your answer.

every situation is different and every outcome is different. what you have experienced may not be what another experienced. maybe you have a reason to forgive. maybe you don’t. but before you make your decision ask yourself why.

why?

why are they finally apologizing to you?

the best way to think about it is this: put yourself into their shoes. be them. you left your relationship because…because of what? of another? of family? or simply it wasn’t the right time? did your feelings change? was there a reason for it to?

what would be your reason to acknowledge your mistake now? why was it a mistake? because you failed to attain what you had originally left them for? because you felt empty and incomplete without a person to brand as your S.O.?

despite this being a bold gesture, it is not an easy task to admit your mistake. you know the ex will give you an answer; and you will only have a 50% chance for it to be what you want to hear. you had to know though. it was the only way to move past this.

forgive and forget.

forgive them, and forget about their mistake. this does not mean to take them back should that be their purpose. it means to make the choice you decide is best. was their reason for leaving you just, or bullshit? was their apology sincere enough to let you consider your options? did they really mean it?

i will tell you a story. but i’ll leave that for tomorrow.